A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaguy84
writes:I was with my girlfriend for almost two years and it was a long distants relationship. She was always kind of insecure and I never knew why...I never really gave her a reason to be. We had always planned to get married and settle down eventually...a few months back she asked me if I had been talking to my ex (I was, but denied it because I knew it would hrut her)...anyhow she told me she had been hacking into my emails and saw a lot of our conversations...she was really embarrassed and was hurting. She broke up with me, not because I had lied to her, or even that she saw that my ex was moving closer to be near me so maybe one day it would work out...she left because she felt she was inadequate to what I deserved...I begged her to stay, to which she said we should be friends for now to give her some time to get her head together and become a stronger more secure person for me.Meanwhile I got really close to this girl at my work and we slept together...my gf would call me to see how I was and she still needed me as a friend...but I just withdrew completely from her..We didn't talk for about a month and then I called her...I didn't want to be mean, but a lot of horrible things came out of my mouth that I know really hurt her. I told her I never wanted her to be a part of my life again...but I love her and we should still talk occasionally...she left really hurt and angry.The thing is I do still love her, and I know I always will, but I know we can never have what we used to be. I want to be with her, but I think I've ruined things beyond compare...should I let her go and never contact her again, or fight for her?
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broke up, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, justaguy84 +, writes (5 January 2008):
justaguy84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know why I was talking to my ex. I suppose I just needed closure from our relationship that I never got. She was suppose to marry me, but then she moved away and changed her number...there were just so many things left unsaid between us that I needed to put behind me and at the time I thought there was no point in telling my current gf that.
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (4 January 2008):
"Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love".What were you up to flirting with your ex and you never even had the decency to erase her messages incase yo gal checked your mail as is the case? You cheated on her and above all you hurt her feelings with what you said.After all is said and done,what remains is what next? You say you still love her and want her,then what are you waiting for?Even if she may not forgive you instantly there are chances of you two getting back together but be prepared to face her rejection,if any.Hope you have learnt from this experience.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, MeowMix86  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 So it sounds more like your leaning toward letting her go. Maybe thats for the best, but you still need closure. Perhaps talking to her on the phone and again, explain everything. At least then, there won't really be any loose ends...
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A
male
reader, justaguy84 +, writes (4 January 2008):
justaguy84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe last time we spoke she told me she still loved me and wanted things to work out, but that's when I was just upset and mean to her...I want to speak to her in person for I know it will make things easier, but we live on seperate countries, so it makes things a bit more difficult. I do want her in my life, but now I am starting to think that she deserves more than me...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): It seems that a lot of us men,some women,don't have any reservations about messing up others lives. For us men it's first-off a genital attraction,moreso than women. And if she lucks-out us men then fall into love. However both gender needs to have a healthy balance of love and commitment to make the relationship work. And if love and commitment don't go hand-and-glove with each other,the relationship won't get off the ground, And sexually speaking,it won't fly for very long. As I see it,you are short on the commitment,and without commitment love will not grow within any relationship. An Emotional-Relational-Inventory is in order at this point in your affairs,Please take the time to do so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Heyy.
It was Wrong For You To Say nasty things to her because that really makes a girl insecure.
I think you should fight for her because if you still love her dont let her go.
You should never let the one you love go !
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): You sound genuinely confused , but you have obviously had a turbulent and erratic relationship with your ex girlfriend .
If you truly love your ex .....you have to gain back her trust , and apologise for the harsh and cruel words .
More importantly your ex suffered from a lack of confidence and self esteem from your relationships with other women . You can change her opinion - but it won't be easy .
To win her back , it will take a change of behaviour and more effort ( but be honest ) sleeping with other girls means you are probably looking for something else . If you want your ex ....go for it ( bu think about honesty at all times ) . That will lead to eventual happiness . Good Luck with whatever you decide !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): So......you were emailing your ex and lied about it; you slept with a girl at work and you said loads of horrible things???? Doesn't this girl deserve so much better if you love her so much????
You could fight for her, but you need to radically change as the fault lies with you, not her. Maybe you shouls have some counselling, contact her and explain, but only if you truly love her. If not, leave the poor girl alone!
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A
female
reader, MeowMix86 +, writes (3 January 2008):
Wow, what a mess! First things first. We know how you feel but how does she feel? Does she want nothing to do with you? Because if she does then I don't think there is much you can do but seek closure and move on. If she is willing to talk, I say go for it. You really care about her and if you don't feel like you tried everything within your power, you won't be able to move on otherwise.
Second,talking to her face to face would be the best encounter.Things are already probably very confusing on her end so the best thing to do is be completely honest with her. That means, EVERYTHING! Women respect honesty, and if you want her back, thats the ticket. Explain how you felt and why you did the things you did. You are genuine in your feelings for her, so if you tell the truth she will pick that up. If she is feeling insecure, listen to her the best you can and try to help her through it. Patience and understanding.
Hopefully after everything is out in the open, you guys will be able to make a new start and get on with your lives...But I think you gotta give up the ex. Its really not worth it, dude.
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