A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've known my boyfriend for 4 yrs and we've been a couple and living together for 3yrs... so here's the Deal...He's twice my age: I'm 21 he's 44. We haven't talked about it with our families yet...but they practically pretty much already know since we've been living here together for so long (and its really far from them) but they seem to be alright with it.Now, the 3 years we've been together have been like a total dream. There is so much Love/chemistry/passion. We practically do EVERYTHING together and get along SO well, we have allot of things in common and everything just fits in so perfectly. He treats me like a queen, will and would do ANYTHING for me and would NEVER leave me/break my heart...Ever. I absolutely love him with all my heart and would LOVE to spend all my time with him but here is the problem:He's asked me to marry him... and I really don't know what to say... the proposal really got me thinking of my future...and with the age difference I can't help but feel like I haven't done enough in my life and theirs so much that I want to do and go out there... but then here he is and has already done it all...he wants to stay home, cuddle, love me and just be with me. I mean he does bring me out to dinner and movies we go out for rides on our bikes together, go for walks. Which is great but sometimes I just can't help it my young mind tells me that I wish I could go out more and party but he's already done all this and doesn't like me doing it...he says its pointless...Something else that bugs me is that he's had quite a few serious relationships threw his life that had ended but with strong feelings...He's been with me the longest but I keep having this kind of thing in the back of my mind that just totally bugs me about it... I've never even been in love or in a relationship like this before him and it just really makes me feel somewhat stupid or really jealous that he has and I haven't. I'm not sure if this sounds stupid but..its just how I feel and I know its really unfair to him...but here comes another guy that I've known for about 12 yrs...He's the same age as I am...I've known him since I was young. We've always had a crush for each other...I liked the fact that he's only been with one girl before and it only lasted a few weeks...I do believe he's been waiting for me for a relationship but it just never happened for some reason we just never got to the point of telling each other how we felt...and now I regret it for not starting it but omg I know it sounds horrible for me to say it, I hate thinking this way but I can't help it...He likes to drink and goes to a few parties here and there not too too big but I'd LOVE to go and do this with him and feel young again...I also like the fact that I could go out with friends and be with him without getting the weird look and comments because he's twice my age and could be my father...the thing is that he's working really hard so he can get his life started and so I'd only really see him weekends...but I don't really know for how long he'll be working like this or if it would change if I wanted a relationship with him. I just like the way he makes me feel young and like its ok to go out in public without getting weird looks... we also have allot of things in common...but as in love I have no Idea how he is...So I'm really torn on what to do...I have a great man at the moment that wants to spend the rest of his days with me and start a family and ADORES me with all his heart...He's quite the romantic...and I can really say that he is head over heels for me...and it really makes me sad because I'm the one who started our relationship and at first the age difference honestly really didn't bug me at all it was just so perfect and I wish that right now I didn't have to think about the stupid age diffrence, its really stupid...but now I can't seem to stop thinking about it and how theirs so many things I'd like to do that I can't with him but I can do with this younger guy...and I'm also scared to death to keep on loving him and to be alone halfway in my life with kids without him...it just really makes me sad because I really honestly do love him but I'm not sure if I can do it in the long run...My question to you is...Should I take the chance to end it with the man I am with now and end my love and happiness with him for this younger guy... ? or maybe you think I am tottaly crazy :P I don't know haha I am curious to see what replies I get on here. Thanks for you time and reading!
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male
reader, citic101  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 We seem to meet the right people at the wrong timeYour life is just starting you are young and you should be free. The best age is your age right now you have the world as your oyster. Do you realy want to get married and have kids even before you have tasted life ? Have you lived any of your dreams yet ?when he is 54 and well past his prime you will still be a young women of 31 . If the age was say him 45 and you 30ish i would say stay but your only starting on life he is middle aged !If you split up where would you live ? I couldnt say dump this man for the young guy but i could say dont spend to long in a relationship that perhaps doesnt have a future. The age of 44 and 21 isnt so much of a problem for dating but marriage and kids when you havent tasted life that is my problem
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): i really feel for you. My life is the same but mirrored to you. Im the older man and she's the young woman. 16 years apart but only in numbers. Unlike you, im at the stage of life where i now can and want to go out and party - yet she is keeping me a secret. I wonder if she wants a 'show pony' to show off and is ashamed of me (my age). If your head and heart are in separate directions you will do your head in. Only when they go the same way you'll find peace. Talk to your bf about going out. Tell him its important to you. In may infact invigorate him and you'll go out more often. The fact you're doubting means that you've already made up your mind of sorts and now its a case of accepting it. I can really appreciate the guys perspective. It will hurt. He will be upset. He will want to know why and if he could have been any better. If he could have let him know before ending it. If all else fails and he wont go out etc, then you need to be true to yourself and your future. That is the reality that haunts me - that my gf will come to the same point you will. I hope it doesnt. But yeah, im scared. I will get over it - but she is perfect (for me), as your guy thinks that of you. Sorry there is no definitive answer here, but you seem to have something you want to work on and exhaust all avenues to make it work. I wish you the best and happiness whereever and with whomever you find it with. Please advise which way you went!
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