A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Help me please! My daughter is 20 and she has been dating this young man for a year and a half. I went to high school with his Dad. Well me and his dad went out this weekend and had an amazing time. I really believe this relationship could go somewhere. Well the problem is that his son doesnt approve. What do we do? If we continue dating it could cause problems with the father/son relationship. But what about our happiness? Would it be wrong if we continue this? Do we make a sacrafice for our children? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, daughter +, writes (31 August 2013):
I happen to be one of those daughters and I hate to break it to all of you people who say "Screw the Kids" but sometimes our pain comes from the fact that our parents have put themselves above us and have decided as you've put so kindly; "I've done my job; time for my own life whether it hurts the kids I say I love or not."
I struggle everyday in between my own happiness and my father's and it's tearing me apart to the point where I've gotten unhealthily depressed. So SallySoMe and Stacy 63088 think about whether or not the kids are in pain. The parents debat but the kids may actually be struggling with their own life's worth because of this. The best way to screw up a kid is to give them even a suggestion that they aren't the center of their parent's world. There is no age limit.
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female
reader, katrine +, writes (9 November 2010):
It's a big world you need to ask yourself the question "why him " Did you see your daughter happy and wanted to reproduce this happiness for yourself ? The psychology behind this
simple but can be it can be hard understand when involved in the situation especially if your straight out of another relationship. Is your daughter OK with this ? What about the future ? Does the daughters father know ? The boyfriends mother? As a psychologist I would have to say this is not a good idea, It the short term it may work but in the long term these type of relation ships just don't work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): I have a similar problem, My daughter (18yrs old) has been dating the same boy(19yrs old) for 2 years. I've (42yrs old) been seeing His Father (45yrs old) & we've text since the middle of 2009. We are hiding and the relationship evolve more deeper in Jan.2010. We enjoy each other very much! We started to go the next level and he stopped us twice. He says; "What about the kids!" He doesn't want to do anything that will hurt the kids. I answered "If you are happy with me and I'm happy with you it shouldn't Matter". Life is too short to spend agonizing over the power of the children, we've raised them now is time to find our Happiness in a life time companion. I asked him; "Let me tell my daughter" He said "No,No!"...Well he doesn't know I told her about us and she's is very__very Happy! Futhermore,she Loves him very much as a Father and I've been a single mom for 14yrs; She doesn't see anything wrong with us dating...the questions is His Son?? or is He the type of Man that worries about what other people would say? These people don't support you or feed you he should'nt care....(???)
"Life is short, so live everyday to the fullest and SMILE!".
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I guess i am not really posting this message as an answer for you, but I found it really hard to believe that I have found myself in the exact same situation. I went on-line to see if there was any information regarding my situation and found this site. I have a 19 year old daughter that has been dating a guy for the past year and a half. They have broke up and got back together a few times over that period, but feel that they love eachother enough that they have talked about getting married one day and starting a family. Her boyfriend's father separated from his mother since they have been dating and him and I have become quite close. It started out as us just being friends and going for walks, to the show, and having beers with mutual friends. However, recently we have come to realize that we have very strong feelings for eachother. He has three kids, a daughter thats 22, his son thats 20 and dates my daughter and a 15 year old boy that is best friends with my 15 year old son. I have three kids as well, my 19 year daughter, my 15 year old son, and a 10 year old boy. I received a phone call from my daughter a few days ago, as she is not living at home, and neither does her boyfriend, saying that she has heard that our relationship is beyond friendship (his 22 year old daughter keeps them updated) and that it has to stop. We are being told that we are inconsiderate, selfish, ignorant and insensitive. I can honestly say that neither one of us have any one of those characteristics. He is an incredible man and a great father, and I have raised my kids by myself for the past 10 years hoping and praying that one day I would meet a really great man. It is breaking my heart that they dissappove of our relationship, because I feel that him and I have something pretty special. I just wanted to let you know that I am having a hard time getting my head around the fact that our kids feel that they have the right to control our lives. I have given 100% of myself to my kids for 19 years now and I feel that I deserve to be happy now. So, is it right to date your daughters, boyfriends father, well this I am not sure of, but I do know one thing, what difference does it really make if you have found happiness. Life is way too short to allow other people to control your life. There is no blood lines and although it may seem weird or a bit uncomfortable for some, when two people are happy being together, where does anyone else have the right to tell you that you have to END it. My heart is broken, as I truly believe that I have finally found the man that is right for me. Glad to know that I am not the only one that is going through this drama. Good luck and remember one thing, "Life is short, so live everyday to the fullest and SMILE.
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reader, Single mom +, writes (23 April 2009):
This helps me out alot also. My daughter has been dating the same guy for almost three years. His father and I were seeing each other and neither the son or either of my daughters approved so we ended it after about 6 months. Well, we are talking again but have to sneak around and neither of us think that we should have to do this but we don't want to upset anyone. My youngest is 13 and she totally disapproves of this man. So I guess I am not wrong either right? I mean I am 45 and he is 47!!!! Shouldn't we be able to have a life no matter what the kids think?
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reader, SugarCookie +, writes (16 December 2008):
I would go for it but understand that it can get weird in two way. If you get married then it makes your daughter dating her step brother and if your daughter doesn't stay with this guy it means that they are still family. Talk those issues out as a family all togther and then go from there.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Wow his son is being really selfish. His dad could have found true love and happiness and he "doesn't approve". He needs to grow up. Anyway, have his dad sit with him and ask why he feels this way and explain how happy you make him. If he still says no because it's weird, or whatever the reason may be, I personally think you should continue the relationship anyway. I don't even know of a good reason for this to be a sacrifice, most people who sacrifice something so great have a damn good reason for it and I don't see one here. If the boy cares for his father at all he should get over this ridiculousness and be happy for the 2 of you. How does your daughter feel about it? I would be so happy for my mother if she met a great guy, even if it was my boyfriend's father. I wish you the best of luck.
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female
reader, SallySoMe  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 I have yet to come across a book of etiquette that says its forbidden to date potential partners with links via your children. Your friend's son is being an immature possessive ass. Classic chicken & egg scenario so which came first you knowing this man or meeting him through your daughter's relationship with his son?
I say go for it, else you will always wonder - would it or wouldnt it have worked out. Life is far too short to spend agonising over the power children have to dictate parental life decisions.
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