A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Some quick background information: I'm 17 years old. My parents got divorced when I was little. While my mother has remarried, my father has not. I am still extremely close to my father. My stepfather and I, on the other hand, do not get along very well. My mother and I are relatively close. She has told me that she has plans to divorce my stepfather as soon as she can make sure she has a stable job, etc. Okay, so recently, I found out that my mother is having an affair. Not just a single affair, but she has been sleeping with multiple men. Including men from her office as well as my personal trainer. I have been ignoring it as best as humanly possible, but it is still always on my mind. Im not too sure what I should do, as I feel bad for my stepfather. Even though he and I are not on the best of terms, I still feel horrible that he is being cheated on. Still, I love my mom more than anyone in the world. I know that if I say anything to my stepfather, it will result in a divorce that will leave us (myself and my mother) in a horrible financial situation. I just need some advice on whether I should confront my mother about all of this, or if I should continue trying to ignore the situation. Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Not much you can do that will be easy, but here are some starters.If you can, live with your father, assuming you don't currently.Fire your personal trainer.Talk with your mother about what you know, but don't go to your stepfather, it isn't your place to do that.Don't start hating/resenting your mother, understand there is a reason she does this, and it may be rather deeply hidden. The more you hate/anger/resent your mother about this, the more likely you are to do what she is doing.Frequently the person who has serial affairs and numerous sexual partners has a history of childhood/adolescent abuse, neglect, rape, alcoholism, drug addiction, or similar problems, and is extremely insecure and self destructive due to their hidden issues and doesn't truly recognize why they do what they do.You can read and understand, and prevent the cycle from continuing with you.More likely than not, your mother has some real heavy shit buried deep, and she's never going to tell you. Most of these people won't tell their doctor. I work in the medical field, and today I was told about one attempted gang rape that was foiled by the police inadvertently 60 years ago, and another severe history of abuse and neglect and trauma that occurred 70 years ago. Until she reaches that point, where she can tell someone, she probably won't stop, and will think she knows why she is doing what she is but won't really know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Ask yourself if it is ok for your step father to continue to support your mother when she is sleeping with several other men. He has a right to know now so he can get on with his life. Tell him. (I haven't even mentioned that his health may be at risk with out him even knowing.)
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 On one hand I want to say that you should stay out of it and play like you don't know anything just to let things play out the way they are meant to. What you mom is doing is wrong and I think it would be best to tell her that you know what is going on. You have to choose then whether to tell her in a caring way and ask her to stop and work on her marriage or tell her that you know and basically blackmail her for it. It really depends how you feel about the whole thing and I can't really say which one would work better because I don't know what I would do if I was in your position. I just think that it is unfair that you would have to live with knowing this.
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