A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello, I need some help and I HOPE someone out there offers advice.back info*** my dad always cheated on my mom. he was abusive and left wen I was 13, since i started dating my hubby 7 years ago i have ALWAYS had issues with insecurity and cheating, I constantly acuse him.we are now married, together 7 years, married 1, we have an o.k. relationship but I'm constantly accusing him of cheating on me or talking to other girls. We have only been with eachother sexually and we have an ok sex life, but it would be alot better. I'm extremely sexual and my husband dismisses my advances alot, which makes me think he IS cheating on me and then my mind wanders... I do know he watches porn which doesnt bother me, being that sometimes I do as well. ON to the drama... I went through his email about a month ago and found replies from "casual encounters" on craigslist, all the replies seemed like spam or they were links to ther pages or webcams girls..but the replys did indicate the city we are in and his age, which was odd. I totally freaked out and drove to his work like a crazy woman. I demanded he come out and he thought something had happened. I said "i know what you did and why the fuck did you marry me???" I was extremeley upset to the point of hyperventilation, he swore on his life, my life, and our future babies life that it must have been spam and has NOOO idea what I'm even talking about. He swore to God (we are religious) that he never posted anything on craigslist.I googled to see if craiglist ever does send out spam and maybe it could be a freak thing?I saved one of the replys and sent it to the "girl" who replied but nothing came back. anyways suggestions, advice, please help me!!!!! should I believe my husband? I cant imagine him having a secret sexual life, he is very responsible, quiet, and always home when hes not working, but now with these weird craigslist replies from a year ago, I just dont know and my constant questioning is ruining what we have left, if anything. I'm so upset, please help.
View related questions:
porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): If I look in my spam folder I clearly get a zillion emails from sexual types of sites some of which even have part of my email address built into the title or appear to have picked up on other peoples first names that I know. I have no idea how it all works (there must be some tech people who do) but all I know is that spam is spam. I really feel for your situation as I had a previous guy cheat on me in a very very cruel and humilating way and I find it difficult to trust anyone. In fact my current boyfriend has had to come to terms with the fact I will probably never trust anyone 100%. What I can offer you is to point out that ..consider the amount of energy you are expending on all this distrust. The time, energy and emotion you spend each day concerning yourself with it - it must be making you physically ill? When I realised that, I started to come to terms with my issues and felt that the previous guy (or in your case your parents) were effectively robbing me of my happiness - and I was letting them. Take a step back and share your fears with your husband calmly and tell him for a while you will need extra reassurance while you work on yourself, because you want to break this torment that you have. Without trust, I know myself, you can never quite relax or be free to enjoy the real joy of a committed and safe relationship. Don't throw your chance away. Forget the internet rubbish and focus on today - make it a great one.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Craigslist (and other sites for that matter) are perfectly capable of picking up IP Addresses very accurately. Also, it's not difficult to put together other information about a person from the forms that he/she fills up in various places.
Having said that, it sounds like your behavior is bordering on obsessive. Good thing is, you do realise it. You might want to think about seeing a therapist, or else you'll end up sabotaging your own marraige.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 June 2010):
 You are killing your marriage.
Because your dad cheated is no excuse for you to be doing what you're doing now.
If your husband watches porn, his sex life will be naturally diminished. AND, it's notorious for sending spam from sex sites or pretending to be from places like Craig's or Adultfriendfinder.
You've gotta seriously calm down, for your kid's sake, or you'll put him or her through what you went through because you will drive your husband away.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 I don't know why he'd be on craiglist, but I can tell you that lots of sites like that pick up on your IP address and send spam messages like "hot singles in Melbourne (or Sydney or Brisbane or whatever). So it's entirely possible to get junk in your inbox that way without asking for it. Particularly porn sites, where a box will open up quite unbidden asking you to chat with a girl in your city.
From your description of your husband, he's most likely not messing around. You really need to chill, or you'll drive him away. It's perfectly understandable, given your background, why you might be having trust issues. For goodness sake, find a qualified marriage counsellor. Your hubby sounds like a good guy -- don't let your own insecurities mess things up if he's not at fault.
...............................
A
female
reader, gizzymylove +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Weel from one married lady to another I don't care who they swear by and who they promise on they can still be lieing .Beside that point if you put a holt on the porn your sex life might pick up I noticed when my husband was on porn on the regulare we had a slow sex life then i put a bump in that and it picked up thats just us though.As for the worries you have to stop your not enjoying your self and stress causes wrinkles take it from me someone who has been cheated on just wait they always mess up and get caught in the end til then chill out play it cool because at the end of the day you gotta love your self first this is coming from someone that also had a abusive father who did cheat on my mother all the time then they divorced after 20 yrs of marriage so I see what you feel just be happy
...............................
|
