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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Is He Cheating??Sorry its long-I have been married for almost 2 years in May. My husband and I have been together for nearly 6 years but have known each other since childhood. A few months ago he got a phone call from a woman late at nite. He shrugged it off saying it was a friend that worked graveyard shifts that got bored. He has his own personal phone which I can't check and he gets tons of calls. I know for a fact that some of them are women. In his wallet I found a picture of the woman and also in his hat where he keeps a picture of me, he had covered mine up with hers. Then someone told me to check his myspace page. He had himself listed as being "in a relationship" not married, and there was absolutley no mention of me at all. Instead there were tons of comments between him and a woman (same woman he was on the phone with). The comments were saying things like I miss you soo much, I love you, my beautiful princess, can't wait to see you etc. Since then I have done tons of searching and discovered he'd been to a hotel 27 times (his response to this was because he was unhappy with living arrangements at home since we live with my parents and he just wanted time alone, that she did come to the hotel but they just hung out). I also found love notes from the hotel, letters she had written him in e-mails and photos of them together at parties, holding hands and so forth. All the while he lied about his wherabouts to me when he was with her. We had 3 super big fights because the first time I found out I confronted him he swore nothing was going on and she is just a close friend and that he "loves" his friends. The myspace was taken down but put back up (2 times). The last time I found out he was still talking to her it nearly ended in divorce. I took him back expecting he'd want to make up for hurting me how he did, instead he acts like he has done nothing wrong and I should feel bad of accusing him of cheating. Now I discover through his e-mails they are still talking to each other in the same manner (after he promised me he would never see or speak to her again). Should I beleive him that nothing is going on between them or is this really an affair? There is more stuff to it, but didn't want to make this post insanely long. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): Yep, definately an affair. I found out that my husband was having an affair with one of the women secretaries at work this was in Dec,05 and he promised it was over, again he told me nothing was going on then in Feb, 05 I discovered that it had not been over. Finally in August this past year I got an email from her saying it had never been over that he was in love with her calling me pathetic and desperate. She got married to another man 2 months later. So yeah, it is your right to snoop I did and we are trying to work through this as we have been married for quite a few years. My suggestion would be to check it out and if he is it is up to you as to what to do about it. No one can make that decision but you. Good luck and I hope the best for you. p.s. there is more than one way to skin a cat: meaning if you want to know the truth you will find a way, just dont let your guard down.
A
female
reader, Angelina : ) +, writes (13 January 2007):
 Have you lost your mind? He is obviously cheating, and he does't even care you know about it. Is your self esteem so low that you let him humiliate you? Counselling only works when both party are willing to be counselled. Don't let yourself be a fool. Leave him now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advise (please keep it coming). Follow up to a few of your responses. First, family does know about the situation and his family totally believes him, that nothing is going on. They don't agree with his behavior or what he's been writing, but they believe nothing "sexual" is going on. As far as the woman is concerned. The last time I found out his myspace was back up and they were supposedly writing to each other again, I got in using his passwords that I had found in his wallet. I had told him it was over etc etc. Then he went ballistic, called crying saying he had ended talking to her etc. and that she was just upset and wouldn't let it go, that she wanted more from him than he was willng to give and now she was angry and wanted to get back at him by making us break up. So to test the theory I started playing with his myspace and added stuff like "my wife is the greatest, I love her etc." Within minutes the woman starts to write me and it got ugly. She claims he's her boyfriend now etc. I had written previously to her once (before all this) telling her about the marriage being in turmoil because I wasn't sure if she even knew he was married and never got an answer. It is VERY clear now that not only she knows he has a wife, but that she is hurting the relationship and she really doesn't care. She even threatened to hurt me or my family and at that point he went to her work to "smooth things over". After that he promised to never speak/see her again. I admitt I have gotten very sneaky about going through things and checking e-mails etc. He has gotten more secretive too, keeping his phone with him at all times and never leaving his truck where I can get to it. We at this point are not living together, he is living with his parents and me with mine. I admitt this is not a marriage and have tried very hard to get us out and into a place of our own but he's just not interested. He swears that if he was going to cheat he'd just let me know so that we could end the relationship before it got to that point. He swears he is not attracted to this woman at all that she's just a really good friend and that its very easy for him to talk to her, and tell her things. He is so convincing even my family beleives him. I'm still lost and confused!
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Where the heck is my shoe??? My dear, it looks as if you refuse to see the obvious. I had a girlfriend who was in this position and even when she walked in the pub and saw the other woman sitting on her husband's lap, she just brushed it off as 'being silly'. It ended up with her husband having so many affairs because his wife didn't want to recognize any of it. Her heart refused to recognize it. They even had a child together (the wife and hubby) and he named their first child after the woman he had been having an affair with. It was well-known to everyone in town that this man was a liar and cheat. It wasn't until one of his "affairs" called to have a chat with her that made her see the light. Don't let that be you. Honey, at this point, he is leaving signs for you. If a man wants his affair to not be known, he does not leave all of this information lying around for his wife to find so easily. This hurts my heart so much because apparently you love him and want your marriage to work. Apparently you know this other woman. I say talk with her. Find out from her instead of relying on what he has to say about it. Go to the other source. What have you got to lose except your mind? No man is worth losing your self-respect. Please, please talk with friends and family. Ask the people who love you for advise. Find out if they actually know anything. If he is being this indiscret, they probably know more than you think but are afraid to hurt you. Please let me know as my heart goes out to you. Keep in touch sweeitie and good luck.
xx
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male
reader, DocSilverback +, writes (13 January 2007):
 How much more information he has to give you before you see that this man is cheating? HE IS CHEATING ON YOU, HE IS CHEATING ON YOU, HE IS CHEATING ON YOU.
My God, he is leaving various things for you to find for a reason. Either he wants you to find out or he is just flat out STUPID. It appears that you need to actually catch him in bed before you acknowledge that fact that he is cheating....but you might just not believe YOUR LYING EYES. He LOVES his friend a bit too much for the liking. The man is cheating on you. Either face that fact or stay miserable. How can you NOT feel the obvious?
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A
female
reader, heartxbrokenxgurl +, writes (13 January 2007):
 gurl with wut u told me id be worried he is cheating on u alot of married men go to hotels to see other women behind there wifes back i would prob talk to a consular bout this one n sit him down n if u want have him take a lie detector test becuz this is serious i mean major serious he is prob hangin out n with the hidden pictures of them together would u think they have a kid together or something i would just sit him down n say "if u r tellin the truth take a lie detector for me" n if he says no then he most likely is cheatin becuz if he wasnt he would take it to prove to u he wasnt cheatin but if he says no then most likely he is cheatin cuz he doesnt want to prove to u at all that he isnt cheatin
hope this helps ?date master jenna /heartxbrokenxgurl
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