A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I had to set boundary with my husbands family. They convinced my husband that our daughter was not raped when she was. On top of the rape, this was so bad!! They have been verbally abusive to my son. They have yelled at me, threatened me, and have acted completely inappropriate towards me. They think that they can say or do want ever they want with total disregard to my children or myself. My children and I no longer talk to them. My husband doesn't always talk to them, but when he does his behavior towards me changes. He becomes rude, disrespectful and just plain mean. He says that the all our problems are my fault and will not take any responsibility for himself or his family.I have had different advice from therapist. Some say you have to talk to them, but things will get better when they die. Another therapist, after hearing the whole story said I did the right thing, and I was right in cutting off contact. My husband hears this and agreed at the time. But, each time he talks to his family we have problems. What to do? Should I continue to keep my boundary, talk to them and hate it, or just leave my husband? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): it's a no brainer of course you should keep your boundaries and stay away from the toxic people. Who cares if they are your in-laws or not? What counts is they are toxic, abusive and are doing harm to you and your family and that's grounds for staying as far away from them as you can.as for your husband. when he gets toxic and abusive like that, then you need to stay away from him too and inform him that's what you're doing and why. and I dont' think it's extreme to consider leaving your husband because of this. if he is in being verbally and emotionally abusive to you, then he is also a toxic person and you should stay away from him. any therapist who tells you that you 'have' to stay in contact with these abusive people like your in-laws, is questionable.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
 I would keep my boundaries from them.
I would also let your husband know that if he wishes to be in contact with his family that's his choice but that you will not be the one that endures his abuse when he's done with them.
So what I would do is have an exit plan.
when he's abusive after contact with his family you go away until he's ready to behave appropriately.
maybe a few days with a girl friend or in a hotel. with NO contact from him till he calls to apologize and then you go home.
IF you LEAVE EVERY time he's abusive due to his family, eventually he may learn and not do it.... it's not an easy path and it may take a long while and it may cost some serious money (and it's a pain to stay away from your own home for stupid reasons)
but I think that once he realizes that you will no longer take the abuse he heaps on you due to his family being abusive to him, then he may stop.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 It might be a little extreme to leave hubby over this matter, only....
HOWEVER, you DO need to pursue, with hubby, WHY he acts such as he does when he's around his family and (apparently) during times near the time(s) when he's with his family..... Sounds to me like THEY influence HIM... and he is suitably weak that he is willing to compromise his behaviour toward you based on what they tell, or infer, to him that they expect of him... Bottom line: He's acting spineless, and doesn't seem to care that YOU pay for it....
Consider how to get HIM to get that spinal implant.... AND, if he can't or won't, then do the best you can to keep away from those toxic in-laws.....
In the extreme, of course, you can separate from hubby and bring the entire matter to an end...
Good luck....
...............................
|
