A
female
age
30-35,
*erri89
writes:I've met a guy through a friend of mine an known each other for quite a while now, i had friends over an he was one of them an i got quite drunk an told him a few times i like him....now the other day he told me a few things, one thing i didnt get but took it as he likes me, but cant take the next step cause he had a hard break up with his last girl friend, an told me that in the end i would get hurt...a couple of days later i told him that i didnt understand, an he told me that if we hung out more an i fell for him he could'nt take it to the next step..he changed the whole i liking thing around....an brought the whole drinking thing up.... i then tried to get out of the whole situation but he would'nt let me, he said something about FWB an i told him its fine with me as long as we stay friends, which is comment was really...after all this i then sent him as msg an asked him about bein FWB an he said sure...was this a wrong step, should i wait for him to become ready to take the next step again, cause i've never felt this way about anyone..
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 Men can have fwb loads easier than women. We can get too emotionally involved. If you can handle that, then go for it. Least hes being honest about it, thats a good thing.Only you know if you can handle it. Just dont make the mistake of thinking you can change his mind after a while cuz, that might well happen, but then again, it equally might not.Good luckC xxxx
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 "Friends with benefits" means that there is and will never be any emotional relationship. There is a friendship and a sexual relationship, and that's all. But you will continue to fall for him while you're sleeping with him, and that is a problem. If you want more than sex, you have made a mistake offering this to him.
You need to assume that he's not going to be ready to "make the next step" ever. It may not be true, but this will be the best way to move forward, especially in the short run (it may take him years to get over the last GF, you can't know). Come clean with him. Tell him that you know he's not ready for it, but since you want more of a relationship than he does, you think you were wrong to offer him FWB.
Whether you can remain friends at this point depends on (1) how awkward it is after you come clean (and you have to come clean) and (2) whether you want to remain around someone who isn't going to want what you want (likely not ever).
This guy sounds great. He's been honest with you. And it sounds like he wants to make sure you don't get hurt. You need to be honest with him too. If you can be his friend -- and by that, I mean no pining for him -- you should try. But if you're going to have a crush on him you need to put some distance between you until you can get over him. It will make it really uncomfortable and you won't fall for anyone AVAILABLE while you're "waiting" for him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 August 2007):
 You don't qualify for a FWB arrangement at the get go. You are already wanting a real relationship with him. It will only be you allowing him to use your body while you keeping hoping for more. Don't do it. Personally I think the whole FWB set ups are nuts and judging by all the posting here, someone usually gets hurt.
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