A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for awhile now but he's long distance and we only see each other about once a month. He told me at the beginning that he's not in a place in his life to commit to anyone and I said ok but we still go out and things have gotten physical.I was thinking of asking him if he's seeing any other girls but I don't know if it's appropriate, and if it is, how do I do it so I don't seem desperate or anything like that? I do want to know but I don't want to pry too much because it could make me look bad. How can I ask in a good way and get a real answer?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (14 September 2008):
 Sorry to say this but it sounds to me like he may well be dating other girls as he has ample opportunity to do so as you are not seeing each other all the time.
If he is saying he doesn't want to be committed then I would be quite wary, if things are getting physical then make sure you protect yourself as he could well be sleeping with other girls as well so make sure you use condoms and the pill at least.
Perhaps you should broach the subject by saying how some guys near you have shown some interest in you and ask him if girls are the same with him when he is at home? You will see by his reaction whether this is true or not.
I think it is hard to trust someone when you spend very little time with them. I know you have strong feelings for this guy but is seeing someone once a month really worth putting yourself through this stress as this isn't a proper relationship and by the sounds of things it is not something that will grow into anything other than casual sex once a month. If I thought for one second someone was using me for sex once a month and spending time with other women when I wasn't around I would move on quite quickly and find myself someone close to home who I got to see regularly and had something to build upon for a possible future.
Keep us posted.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 September 2008):
I think you are setting yourself up for hurt here. You want more from this relationship than fun.
If you are just having fun then don't worry about looking bad and just ask him.
When he gives you a compliment just say "I bet you say that to all your girls, I bet you have a girl in every town in the state!" Do it jokingly and check his reaction.
He told you at the beginning that he didn't want commitment and there is nothing wrong with finding out if things have changed.
Good Luck!! xx
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