A
male
age
30-35,
*enitoDavo
writes:Hi, this is quite a awkward question but I wondered if anyone else has had something similar.I want to spice up me and my girlfriends sex life. I have a bit of a fetish for girls in leather boots and gloves. My girlfriend is by far not someone who would wear these normally in everyday life.Is it something I can tell her about and see if she would wear something like that in the bedroom. If so, how do you approach the subject.Or is it not fair to ask her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2018): The anonymous female reader made a major point that seriously needs to be considered when you ask a woman to play dress-up for you.
She has to feel she is the one turning you on; not feeding into a fantasy about someone on a porn video, or some random female of your dreams. If she realizes "she" isn't the fantasy, she'll never do it again. The wrong moves can cause damage to her self-esteem that you may never be able to repair.
You mentioned she wants to try some new things in the bedroom. Why don't you both list 3 things you'd like; and seal them in an envelope, and hand them to each other. Then surprise each other by granting their fantasy! If you want a specific kind of leather boots or gloves like thigh-high stilettos, or arm-length leather gloves; you may have to purchase them for a specialty shop. Be prepared to spend a little.
If you decide to shop online, make sure the distributor is reputable. Beware the caveats of shopping on shady porn sites that send cheap crap; and get a hold of your credit card info!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2018): As a woman I think the key about men asking for these things is how they make the woman feel . If they make me feel like it could be any woman wearing the leather and I’m going to be turned on so can you please ‘be a prop for me and put on zyx’ im going to feel really turned off , insecure about my ability to look as good as the professional models he watches wearing b that stuff and almost used However if he makes it clear it’s about seeing ME in that stuff that would be the turn on for him then sure that sounds amazing . That’s going to be a turn on for me too . ‘Men need to understand that feeling desirable is a KEY and absolute KEY to many women’s sexual response.This is why we so often feel offended or insecure when asked to mimic or simply stand in for porn type fantasies If a man wants a woman to switch on for him he needs to take his eyes off other women off the fetish’items ‘ and place them firmly on his women and then and only then incorporate things together will excite them both So yes use that information in hiw you ask and I’m pretty sure she will
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A
male
reader, BenitoDavo +, writes (25 November 2018):
BenitoDavo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for all your help. We have been together for 2 years now but she has mentioned she wants to try new things in the bedroom but I am sure shes not thinking the same as me.
I will approach this subject cautiously and sensitively. I think you are right the moment I sense any resistance I shall back off.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2018): my girlfriend has dressed up for me in many different outfits including leather. She likes the feel of it and actually has asked for a leather belt spanking. She says it drives her crazy. So your girl may just be into leather.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (25 November 2018):
 I asked and got a positive response. Your mileage may vary.
I'm quite a bit worried by your statement, "My girlfriend is by far not someone who would wear these normally in everyday life." Many women in countries like yours and mine have a lot of body insecurity. If you are indicating by your statement that she is insecure about her body then this is going to go over like a lead zeppelin." if on the other hand what you are saying is that she dresses conservatively in public, but likes to show off in private, then no problem.
It occurs to me that you may be saying she is a vegan and doesn't wear animal products. Well that would be a whole different question.
Many women suffer and hurt their relationships because of unwarranted body image problems. overcoming these should be the serious goal of the affected women and the people who love them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2018): My partner also has a leather fetish I will not do it for him because as someone mentioned it has came from him watching porn and replacing our sex life with it he maintains he has no sex drive yet I find poem on his phone by accident one time and he’s does it a lot since so I agree it’s all about where and when you ask
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2018): Yours is a mild request compared to most I've read about and heard. I don't think she would have a big problem with it. Women wear boots and leather gloves as a regular fashion statement; so long as they're pretty, I doubt she would mind.
You can ask her, but back-off at the least sign of resistance.
Some people don't like introducing fetishes into their sex-lives; and that is a matter of values, and it should be respected. It's not like you can't live without it.
The problem with unusual appetites and those into freaky-sex is that they get greedy. If you can maintain a reasonable rein on your tastes, I wouldn't be surprised if she is willing to do it for you. Don't try introducing weird things into the bedroom every week; because most often men get too caught-up in porn, and that will start to raise questions about where all this is coming from.
Offer to take her shopping and she can model them for you! Your treat!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 November 2018):
 Ask her if she would want to "play dress up" in the bed room. IF she does, ask her if you can suggest something that really turns you on.
That way you can segue into mentioning the leather boots/gloves.
THEN you ask HER what SHE would like to see YOU in. and if you are OK with her fantasy too, you two have fun with it.
It's about open communication, but also considering WHAT you are asking and HOW you ask it.
I wouldn't use the term "spice up the sex" - I would use "add more fun onto the sex".
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (25 November 2018):
 i don't think its that bad, its only a pair of leather boots, and a pair of gloves,nothing to outrageous is it.
Maybe the key to this is how and when you ask, timing is key here, like if you asked her while you were both sitting down to breakfast may not bode well.
I think a better time to broach the subject is next time your out such as a shopping mall or something, wonder into somewhere like Ann Summers and start browsing around the stuff there, there is lots of items such as this there. Here you can make light hearted fun of it, whilst also finding out if she would be into it or not.
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