A
male
age
51-59,
*rrow88
writes:My girlfriend is very sexually experienced and I'm not. We're both almost 40. We have been together for about six months now, and we have been talking about moving in together in another five months.About a month into the relationship, she expressed interest in attending a fetish/bondage club. This kind of thing only marginally appeals to me, but I would never be interested in engaging in any type of sexual activity in public (or private club, as in this case), and she then told me she wanted to do it without me. She said she agreed to no penetration, but that was the only thing she would guarantee. She also stated beforehand she would be on ecstasy while she was there, and later go back to her friends' house and enjoy rolling (limiting to massages, she assured me). We fought about this for weeks before she finally ended up going, with my nervous acceptance that she "needed" this.She did what she said she would, but while she was at her friends' house one of them started fingering her. She became very uncomfortable and told him no, that it would upset me and she couldn't do it. She later came home to me crying, saying she was done with this type of thing.Fast forward a few months, and her old college roommate comes into town who is a fetish model, attending a fetish convention nearby. The friend invites her to participate. My girlfriend tells me she just wants to watch, but she can't promise she won't participate if the opportunity arises.Her attitude is that I should accept her as she is and be okay with her "needs"; my attitude is that this type of thing is not acceptable unless both partners are comfortable with it. She feels that anything short of penetration is not really "sex"; I feel that any physical contact (such as spanking) which results in arousal is sexual and therefore a violation of the exclusive nature of our relationship. She says these activities have nothing to do with me; I say they hurt my feelings and damage our relationship.I thought we had resolved this months ago, and now I'm highly upset. The thought of someone else being sexual with her in any way turns my stomach -- even just being spanked or tied up. We've become very close and have great sex most of the time, but I'm not sure I can handle these desires of hers for sexual gratification outside our bedroom.The question is: Should I accept her behaviour, break up with her, or try to find the nerve to gradually be interested in this type of thing?
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male
reader, Arrow88 +, writes (7 August 2010):
Arrow88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, guys, especially anonymousgirl1 ... sounds unanimous to me.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 You should not HAVE to accept this behavior... You also should not have to force yourself to try to like something that you clearly don't (and won't) like just for her. There's a real lack of respect here and if you let her justify this behavior and accept it at the cost of your own emotional well-being... you may as well turn in your testicles right now dude... doormats have no need for them.
She sounds more suited to being a booty call than a girlfriend to be honest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Uhhh, hell no!!!
No one should have to put with the crap she's trying to pull!
If it was me I'd show her the door!
Ridiculous!!!
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