A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i know this question isn't as serious as some on here but i just wanted to know peoples advice . ive been with my boyfriend for four months and our sex life is good and getting better we both work shifts so we had to be up early today at 4am i slept at his house ,well normally we have sex when were both up but ive been ill with the flu so i didnt fancy it and he was running late and only had five minutes to get ready so i started playing with him and he took over and started to himself but he stopped saying he was really sorry and he shouldnt do that infront of me i didnt think it was a big problem as most people do it , but he keeps saying hes really ashamed that he was doing it infront of me he said he prefers me doing it but its quicker when you do it yourself , should i feel mad about it ,is it something u dont do when your in bed with your girlfriend ,thanks for your help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Don't worry about it, masturbation is just quite a private thing, it can be uncomfortable even embarrassing to do it in front of someone else for the first time.
He'll get over it.
A
male
reader, Richierich65  +, writes (23 September 2010):
I understand your situation. I think if you have found some point in your relationship where you have openly discusssed what you want to be sexually with each, that is the best jumping off point. From a mid 40's guys point of view, any guy who enjoys having sex with his significant other, love of his life, soulmate, etc, should feel completely free to express himself sexually with his woman.
That included pleasuring himself in front of you. That is a very intimate act and if your passion for each other is in the right place, he should feel liberated in doing that, even for you. If you like him doing that and you feel excited and closer to him when he does, you should tell him exactly that. It can open the door to how you both expresss yourself sexually to each other. I know my former "the one" and I had exactly that connection. Becasue we loved each other so deeply. I miss her every day.
So, tell him what you want from him and let him know that if you like it, do it now. Don't time pass. It can only turn into a regret. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 Not mad- but a little perplexed maybe .
What Chigirl says makes perfect sense, and yet....yet I can't picture myself ever wanting my partner reaching such a level of intimacy. Comfortable yes- too comfortable, no.
Why ? Because it's two very different things if your man masturbates in front of you during lovemaking or as foreplay or to arouse you more,-or if he does it to relieve himself quickly, as if you weren't even there , sort of like part of his morning routine ,after showering and before coffee ! In this case, he is not sharing with you an intimate moment ,he is imposing his moment on you !
It's out of context !
Hey,this is just me- and even I would not make a big fuss about . Just to say I understand why it can bother some women.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 It is something he should feel comfortable with doing in front of his girlfriend, but like he said he was ashamed by it. So he as a problem with doing it, which wont change by simply telling him it is ok. For him to feel okay with it will take a lot of work and patience. Many are embarrassed with the idea of playing with themselves in front of their partner. We feel on display, and it takes a huge level of confidence and trust to be able to do it. For some it doesn't matter, for for many it is a big deal. But you definitely want to make him comfortable enough to do it in front of you. Just don't expect him to feel great about it soon, it can take anywhere from months to years before he gets to that level of intimacy.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (23 September 2010):
It's healthy for you to be okay with your boyfriend having sex with himself. A woman who is not okay with that is first of all very insecure because she thinks it means she's not necessary for his sexual pleasure (ridiculous) and is also very possessive because she thinks his orgasm belongs to her, not to him. You should make it clear to your boyfriend that he should feel no shame about it and that you won't judge any aspect of his sexuality that he shares with you (and I do consider it "sharing" to masturbate in front of you--for many guys it is a shameful act only to be done alone). Sounds like a healthy relationship to me.
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