A
female
age
,
*oxlalaxox
writes:I don't no where to begin, there has been so much going on in my relationship. He started off really nice, loving attentive, he has always been possessive and at the beginning it was nice. But then he started to control, and be nasty, he blamed me for everything, to talking to my ex husband whom I have two kids with, he said cos they are older I have no need to talk to him, and didnt want him in my house. and even now I am not with him, he still says it. I always had a good relationship with my ex husband, he hates my kids, and blames me for his actions towards me. He says he doesnt want me anymore, but he loves me, I know I should want to be with this man, and I should hate him for what he has done to me, both physically and emotionally, I dont know what i am doing anymore. please help me.
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female
reader, xoxlalaxox +, writes (18 February 2008):
xoxlalaxox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all that wrote and gave me advice, I really appreciate it, I know you are all right, I am just finding it hard. Even though I am not with him anymore, he is in my head, Everytime I talk to or do something, I am always thinking he is not going to like that, I am going to be strong though, and not go back anymore, I want to be able to enjoy my life, and not have it controlled by this man. The names he called me, were just not nice, I know they are not true, but why does he say them. Did he ever love me at all?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): If he is not going to change better to leave him and have a period of time on your own and then meet someone more appropriate. If you are not up to the full 'walk out on him' right now, leave him for a 'break' and see how you feel during that time. His behaviour is not acceptable and I know SO many wpmen who have been in this position (including myself) and the longer you stay the worse the damage can gets, where it could get the point where it affects your health and no-one is worth that. One thing's for definite, you certainly can't carry on as you are. Talk to him as well and tell him how hurtful is behaviour is. If he has any brains or decency he will realise that his behaviour is not acceptable. It's not that easy to hate someone you have loved/still love if you are not that way inclined so don't worry about whether or not you should hate him but focus on what is good for your emotional health and stability and your children. You sounds like it's all really getting to you so maybe some counselling could help you to set yourself free - sadly he is unlikely to change much I thinik. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (14 February 2008):
 OK - the question is why you feel unable to free yourself from this guy. Everything you have said here makes it quite apparent you know this relationship is bad.
So, if you know it's bad, why can't you you get out of it? Whats holding you back? Thats where you want the advice. So post again, on this same page, with your concerens and anxieties to get a range of sugestions. Thats what it is here for . Looking forward to you additional information.
Richard
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Don't waste any more time, energy or money on this loser. Just leave him and get on with your life. You can do much better than stay with this tosser!!!
Your main conern should be for you and the kids!! Its never easy ending a relationship and being single but its certainly a much better option than what you have with that guy!!
I think deep down you know what you have to do and you just need to hear it from some one else - well you have heard it from everyon here! Leave him, live your life and be happy again xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Hate rarely helps people in the end, it just makes them bitter and anti-men or anti relationships. Hate eventually eats away at you, and the only thing it will do is harm you.
It takes two for a jealous relationship to work, he may have been possessive but there is always the other person who sticks around and allows that jealous insecurity to develop.
It's not about blame, but it is about eventually accepting that fault is never entirely one sided, no matter how bad one of the partners seems to be.
Damaging relationships and bad breakups can take a lot of time to get over, and it sounds like you are in the early stages of it all so it is understandable that you don't know how you are feeling or what you should be thinking or doing.
Your emotions will go through every kind of feeling and attitude about it all, and perhaps you will hate him at some stage through it, but later on, if you can let it go, you will more see things for how they were and to be able to accept what happened and put it all in the past.
It does sound though that this relationship is very bad for you, and by having him around in your life it will only make the whole getting over him that ever more drawn out and painful. Perhaps when this guy is out of the scene the relationship with the ex husband and kids who were hated by him can be built on and made stronger? I'm sure you will come through it all on the side a better person and with time it will all make sense.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Leave him. End of .....
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