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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey heres my question...Ok so ive been with my girlfriend for over a year now. we broke up a couple of times because it was obvious that she was cheating on me, so i broke up with her. we got back together about 2 months ago and everything was going great. none of her family members know about me as her boyfriend, and that pisses me off. Ok, so now she went off on a very long trip to her grandmas place in Miami for vacations, about 3 months...weve been emailing and calling each other but heres my problem: i had her email password, and today all of a sudden she changed it and she closed her myspace where she has a lot of pics of us and lovely comments from me. she did this also when she was cheating on me...im scared she might be doing it again. and it really hurts to think about breaking up, because i really care for her, i mean she is a beauty and i cant figure myself being with another girl...WHAT SHOULD I DO???
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Hi there, What you may have here, is a person who has a very hard problem, with commitment to one relationship. If this is the case, then you are going to spend your time with her, wondering if she is cheating on you again. No one is worth that kind of stress, you will be looking around corners, checking her purse for numbers, looking at her text messages, and on and on. Stop it, this is an unhealthy way to live your life, Certainly, you care for her, but you must have self-respect. She cheated one time, that you know of, now you forgave her that, lovely. She may or may not be doing it again, if she is, you have to take your lumps and find another soul to share your time with, one who will appreciate you as a person, and have mutual respect. Your friend does not seem to be that sort. It's your call, but you are trying to settle for something, that is less than worthy of you. Think about it, if she is cheating and she then comes back to you physically, you forgive her, is this going to be the pattern? What are you going to be, her shoulder to cry on, until the next session of cheating. Is that what you think you deserve? You care, but you have to love yourself first, this is not good for you, try to see that. It will hurt, but when you heal, you will be able to find better ways to spend your time, do not think that she is the last girl, that you will find happiness with. Besides that, you are compromising too much. Have a good talk with yourself, see things for what they are, you are being thrown, the crusts of the bread and you want to settle. Please think of yourself, in better terms than that, you will find a more disciplined person. Take care and don't settle for anything less, than what you are entitled too, mutual respect. Be good to yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Yes, you love her, probably with all of your heart and can't see yourself without her, but does she do this same thing to you? Apparently not. The truth is harsh and it will be harsh on you this time.
I will say she doesn't love you, no matter how much you don't want to believe that. Nobody who loves someone dearly will cheat on the other. She's clearly not appreciating you at all and probably just taking you for granted.
Break up with her, as for most people say "a cheater is always a cheater", and she's probably no exception. If you keep the relationship, she will keep on hurting you and hurting you until gets to the point it will be unbearable. Better to get out of it now than when is late.
Also don't seek her out. This will show her she has you at her hands and will create a line of manipulation, which will make her not appreciate the relationship at all.
Don't hesitate, and I know you might, but just do it. When you break up with her, cut her off your life completely. Don't answer her calls or text messages and don't anser her emails, instant messages, or anything. This will be the hardest to do, but if you don't do it you will just fall back again to the same problem. As you might think of her a lot, try to take on some activities that will keep you occupied. Try taking a trip, for example, to like a mountain or a retired place where you can relax. You can also catch up with friends and hang out with them. Taking walks around the park or around the house is a good idea as well.
Please hear my advice and actually do it. She basically has to learn to stop being a selfish person and to take you and your relationship seriously. If you do see she does change after ONLY she seeks you, then probably give the relationship another try. Just trust your judgment in this.
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