A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to begin, my heart and thoughts are all over the place. Earlier this year, a met someone who became a very close friend of mine. Time went by, and I started to develop feelings for her. At the time, she had recently broken up with her boyfriend of 5 years; she felt things were not working and had fallen in love with somebody else. The person who she had feelings for, fell by the way side, and she was left single. I had at this stage already told her about the feelings I had for her.Over the next few months, these two men would come into her life, and leave again, repetitively. During all of this, I have remained constant, true to the feelings I felt for her. The problem is, she cannot make up her mind of who she wants to be with. It has been 6 months now, and she still has us all waiting. She went on vacation with her ex, about 2 months ago, and shortly after decided that she wanted to be with him. He then told her it was too late, and she tried to work things out with him, although to no avail. Not too long ago, things were going great for us. We were happy, and nearing a commitment. We had spent a lot of time with one another, and we both really felt that things would work out. That was short lived. Her ex, (after much consideration) decided that he wanted to get back together with her. Now we all sit back at square one. She has told me on several occasions that she did not feel the same way about her ex as she did me. I have been trying my best to show her how things can be, I have tried so hard, yet she never comes to a decision. I don't know what is so hard, I would've thought that by now she would know what she wanted, especially after what she has told me about the way she feels about me.A few weeks ago, her ex bought her and expensive gift, which she accepted, yet, when it is me buying the gifts, she says she cannot accept them. The real blow came when she slept with her ex a week ago. She said that she hated herself for it, and begged me not to leave her. I tried my best to be understanding and considerate. I got over it, and decided to move forward in our relationship, and asked her out. I have yet to receive an answer. Yesterday, I sent her countless text messages, to which none of were responded to. I saw her today, and she told me she sent her ex a few messages, none of which he responded to, and so decided to climb into her car and go over to his place to see why he wasnt responding. She then said that his family asked her to stay over for lunch, which she did. I then found out that she stayed the night, which she usually does. What hurts me the most is that, even after she knew how I felt about her sleeping with him, she still goes over to see him and still stays over at his house. How much more understanding need I be? She says so many things about how she feels, yet, on the flip side, her actions don't justify her words. What should I do?
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female
reader, Jualsy  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 How much more understanding need I be?
I cannot believe you think you are being understanding. You are being ridiculously tolerant!!
Why is she getting all her own way?? Like yourself enough to value yourself and KNOW that you deserve better.
Brace yourself....face the prospect of losing her, but tell it like it is........you want 100% in this relationship, or it is over...........and MEAN IT!!!! You deserve better.
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