A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner exhibits some peculiar behavior that I find rather frustrating and hard to figure out. We have a great time together for the most part, and I really value her companionship and our overall relationship. At the same time, she goes off on these weird emotional tangents and it always follows the same pattern.After spending some amazing and quality time together for about a week or two, she'll become distant and a recluse and pretty much perceives me as a source of stress. She just writes me off and wants nothing to do with me. I call it the calm before the storm. The behavior pattern that I just described never seems to deviate. When I confronted her about her behavior recently, she basically said that perhaps we're not right for each other and I should probably move on.But when I saw her the next day she was all excited to see me and made plans for us later that night! Are you kidding me or what??She always chalks it up to stress; either I stress her out by wanting to be with her, or her work stresses her out, etc. She does a fairly good job communicating her feelings and state of mind to me, but I'm beginning to think that her mercurial mood patterns could be the result of undiagnosed depression or anxiety. It just doesn't make sense because the slightest external stressor will sour her mood. She is very successful in her career and projects this lucid and cool demeanor. At the same time, there's something else brewing.Could it be hormones? No knowing what she wants in life, or is she just sick and tired of me? Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies!To the last poster who alluded to the compatibility issue, I think that you are right on point with your observation. She has said on several occasions that she's not sure if we are compatible on all levels. Physically and romantic? No problem, we are good there, but it's the fact that I've lived as a bachelor so long that she has issues with, since that seems to be a recurring theme with her.She also thinks that I'm a little too routine in certain ways, which is kind of odd since she has her strict routine as well. After having endured a long "boring" marriage, the last thing she wants again in her life is another experience that she perceives as headed that way as well, right?She is emotionally high maintenance, but not dramatic. Things have to be a certain way and if they're not she just shuts down......she disappears for a while.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): just out of interest have you ever given yourself the same rights.
Have you swanned off and away from her with a put down ringing in her ears.
Have you picked up your cash and spent it on yourself instead of on making her life more comfortable.
Is it really a relationship worth fighting for or is it just that you want to project it as a valuable relationship by putting all the work in.
Have you got any back up plans as the pattern doesnt look as though it will change in the near future..or are you going to go with the flow?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): I was that woman/girlfriend with my previous boyfriends. For me it was frustration. We were not compatible and I could not work out why things didn't flow and what was wrong. Now I see things very clearly. I loved these guys and they lived me but there were things about them I could not tolerate or accept. For me it was either they were workaholics or commitment phobes or very over careful with money, didn't want children, drank to excess etc. I am not saying I am perfect in fact far from it. For me I subconsciously wasn't happy and was trying to fit a round peg into a sqaure hole.....We just weren't compatible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): i think youve got yourself into a situation with someone who lacks the necessary committment and is unwilling to accept responsibility for their own actions ,always pinning it on you or blaming it on stress.This kind of pattern is almost impossible to change.The more you adapt your behaviour the more they will find new ways to break the pattern of affection and will show stress action or partner blaming action.it is possible that someone else is involved but your partner is busy being an emotional vampire..soaking up the love and good times and then swirling on her invisible tail to accuse you of changing vibes or not wanting them there or any other reason that will set them free whilst leaving you with an emotional flea in your ear.How you deal with it is up to you but it is a difficult and unnecessary way of driving a relationship forward.You will know when you have had enough.They will find something new to fling at you or some new stress related arguement after you have put your best foot forward and you will just start thinking.."I dont need this unnecessary shite anymore."You will then branch off.
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