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female
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*aela
writes: Hi,I've been in a relationship for the past 15 going on 16 years . The gentleman and I have an 8 year old son and we both had 1 child each when we originally got together. Recently we have been having a lot of problems in the relationship. It started when a woman called him on his cell phone and it was on loud speaker. she spoke to him like if thery were in a relationship.. He told me nothing about the incident until I asked him about it 3 weeks later and then he said that it was a business aquaintance. Last year he asked me to marry him I first said yes and then because of the way things were going and he was avoiding making plans I changed my mind. any way to make a long story short I found out on monday just this week that the married woman that he was in a relationship with before he met me was still a prt of his life for 3 years after he and I were going together. Now there were times that he didn't treat me too well and things that i have now started putting things together about. What should I do the counsellor that we went too said that we have a good relationship but it was all based on a lie. A lie that it took him 12 years to admit too even though i used to ask him about it all the time. What other things has he lied about what should do? Please help.PS I am 41 and he just turned 48.
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female
reader, maela +, writes (13 November 2006):
maela is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies
I am in such a quandary because when he is good he is very very good but when he is bad he is horrid, He mad me feel insecure and inadequate. Just yesterday I spoke to him and he told me that he was with her because I was controllong and it was hard to talk to me and that I didn't support him in things. He supports me mentally yes, he likes car racing and I hate it but I never tried to stop him from going as a matter of fact I think that we should have seperte interests and he should be involvedin things that I am not and get his space and vice versa. I think that he has been caught out and wants to shift the blame . I do not know what I want for sure yet but I will make a decision before this year is sone and we make a 16th anniversary
A
female
reader, maela +, writes (13 November 2006):
maela is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply,
I am in such a quandry because when he is good he is very very good but when he is bad he is horrid and he makes me feel insecure and inadequate. Just yesterday I spoke to him and he told me that he was with the other woman becuase I was controlling and inable to talk to me and that I didn't support him in things. He supports me mentally yes, he likes car racing andI do not but I have never tried to stop him from going as I matter of fact I think that he should have interests that I am not a part of and vice versa, I like to dance he does not. I think he has been caught out and is trying to shift the blame. I do not know what I want to do for sure yet but I will make a decision before this year is done and we make a 16th anniversary.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): If he's lied to you for this long then he doesn't sound very sympathetic or that he loves you very much. If he wants to go through life cheating people like that then that's his choice, but I think you're worth better.
I know as a mother you don't want to hurt your child but you have to think of what's best in the long run. This man is no father I would want x
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