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male
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anonymous
writes: I am going out with a girl for 3yrs. We have a full relationship. She is my senior in medical college and now she wants to stop the relation as she says that since we are not getting married we should just stay as friends and all sexual relations should stop. But I want to continue with the relation.What is it, do I have lust for her or love? I miss her though but can't marry her cause I may find someone better. What should I do, let her go or pester her to keep the relation? Reply to this Question
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reader, becky05 +, writes (18 July 2005):
What a nasty man you are!
"I cant marry her in case I find someone better"? with that attitude you will never find anyone nice.
I think that this girl has become wise to you and has gotten you out of her life now that she sees she has no future with you. Let her go!
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 July 2005):
 It's definitely not love. I'm not sure that you even have lust for this woman. A more accurate term would be "convenience".
This woman wants to be married, and having regular sex with you isn't fulfulling that desire of hers. It's understandable that you want to continue to have sex, but if her heart's not in it, that's pretty superficial and unsatisfying, isn't it?
I'd say your relationship with her is pretty dead right now. You don't seem to care about her, except as a sexual partner, and she sees that, and so wants to move on. Getting married just to continue the sex is obviously a ridiculous idea, and you can't force her to continue a sexual relationship if she's no longer interested.
With all that in mind, there isn't much you can do. The honourable and sensible thing under these circumstances is to break it off on friendly terms, so that each of you can find something closer to what you want in a partner.
Good luck with you finding "someone better", and I do hope that she finds someone who will have a bit more love and respect for her.
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reader, Dragonfly28 +, writes (18 July 2005):
You can't marry her because you may find someone better? It sounds like you don't really care too much about this girl if you think you can "do better." If you have no plans of making a serious commitment to her, I say do her a favor and let her go. It's not fair to "take her off the market" and deprive her of the chance to find someone who does want to marry her.
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