A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and the girl I've been dating recently decided to take some time off, and while it was more for her sake than mine, I couldn't help but agree that it was necessary. She's a girl who's never really been alone, and she believes she needs to make sure she's happy before letting anyone else in. I'm fine with all of this, no matter how lonely I feel in the mean time. I was friends with this girl for nearly four years before we started dating (she considers me her best friend), and I care way too much about her to let something like this ruin the relationship we had prior to dating. I'm willing to hold out for her, but I'm not sure if/when she'll come around.I don't want to antagonize the situation by straight out asking her if her feelings for me have changed, but that's really what I'd need to know in order to let her go and move on and find myself a different girl. How do I ask her without preemptively ending something that could turn out to be very long lasting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Be very straight with her and let her know just how you feel. Talk, talk and more talk. If things come to an end, then that is how it will be, but you need to get things sorted and not be left in the dark.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, stawberry01  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Is being with her going to ruin your friendship well you will never know, it seems that she is scared of the same things that you are you dont want to ruin your friendship speck to her don't push ask how she feels she may need a little time just hold on to her it could be the best thing you do let her know how you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): I think you may have an answer in your question"How do I ask her without preemptively ending something that could turn out to be very long lasting?" your afraid if you do ask then your deepest fears will be confirmed. You will get an answer you don't want too hear and by giving her time hope she will come to the conclusion that she wants to be with you.I recently did this with a guy I was friends with for a few years before dating him and when he pulled back saying he wasn't sure if he wanted a full blown relationship or ready after being hurt from previous relationships ( all of which he left)I decided to go straight in as I wanted to know as I would rather not waste anymore time with someone that wasn't fully sure of me.He decided it was best to call it a day,"don't you think?" he said by text as he felt I felt more for him.My response was yes as can't be second best, I think it was more of a self preservation mechanism by asking him to decide, so I sucked it up and decided to move on alone.Sometimes you have to.Most women Know if they are with the one they want to be with and asking for time is only a way if usually trying to leave a guy down gently and maybe taking a look at what else is out there, sorry but at 40 years of age I do speak from experience, so maybe just making yourself busy and not being too readily available may make her think she made the wrong decision and come back hopefully but for your own sake ...maybe it's time you decide to move on.
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