A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been with my girlfriend for 3 years now, she is 24. At first it was great, we saw each other all the time, we kissed and held each other a lot, we had lots of sex, we talked about the future and getting a place together.After a year and a half we split because I was accused of stealing from work, and she thought I had done it. She worked for same company but in management, so of course she got investigated too. I didnt do it and they had no evidence to show I did.Anyway, we were split for 3 months but still saw each other and had sex. Only difference is that everyone knew we had split. After 3 months we got back together, but she wouldnt tell anyone and to this day no one knows we are dating.Since getting back, we hardly kiss, hold each other or have sex. When we do any of these things its as if she doing it just to pacify me. Then she told me yesterday she doesnt like sex and only does it for me. She says she loves me and doesnt want to lose me, but wont commit to anything more than sleeping with me once every now and then. If we have sex once a month i'll be lucky. I worked out we only see each other 8 times every month, and each time is anything between 1 hour to 3 hours. This is not a relationship is it?I want more. Before the split we talked about moving in together, but now she wont even consider it. She says she cant be without me, but then wont take the relationship further. We were closer before the split, but she says we were just living a lie. Sorry, but seeing each other for over a year and keeping it secret is living a lie!!!I love her, but I dont feel the same as I did because she broke my heart when she split with me. It took a while to get used to that, but never got over it.I know a lot of her troubles are because she was raped at 16 and told no one, except me. She had to live with that and come to terms with it all on her own. Its still affecting her now even though she wont admit it.I am at a loss as to what I should do as I dont want to leave her.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 February 2010):
Get rid of her. She's keeping you like a household pet and even didn't believe that you hadn't stolen stuff. Now I do appreciate that she was raped and that has had a serious effect on her, but it's no excuse to just keep you around like a pet. You're just a rock she calls upon when she feels bad. You're not really anything else. Your best bet is to move on from her and cut all ties. Find a woman who actually does love you and trust you.
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