A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am writing here for some advice on what to do about my past relationship.First we started dating and talking alot when I was in another state and she said she fell in love with my personality. But I had a bad past of sleeping with all types of women and I didn't tell her about it and my ex before her had website for me and everything. But when I got back to the state with her and we could see each other I felt so good to just be around her. What happened was I gave her my password to everything myspace, email, everything cuz it was all the same. Well she went in my email which I never used anymore and saw I was still gettin emails from my ex. I told her I wasn't emailing her but it was hard to believe becuz I had lied about some little things and everything spun up that I was being a deceitful person. Well we were planning to get married and then I had some many things goin on with family that it had started to effect us but I wasn't realizing it. She said that she wasn't seein the man she fell in love with anymore and don't know if he really even exists anymore. We broke up yesterday but I really love her and she says she loves me and I believe her. I think I need to give her time to actually get over my past and see that I am the same person she fell in love with. I am just confused and I just want to be with her. I feel so good just knowing she is there. And when she is having problems it really bothers me. Please help with your advice! I greatly appreciate it.
View related questions:
broke up, fell in love, my ex, myspace, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, AceofTruth +, writes (6 March 2008):
Well I guess I can say I won her back! Today she asked if when the ring I was gettin made for her was gonna be ready. Thx for all your advice it was greatly appreciated. Oh I had her talk to the ex and the ex admitted to all the things I said I wasn't doin. So now she believes me on that but of course I lied a few times be4 so now I got re-gain her trust and I am workin on that thx again everyone.
A
male
reader, AceofTruth +, writes (4 March 2008):
I already closed the old email and have a new one. Yeah I wasn't thinking about changing my passwords at all. I also didn't think it was neccessary but guess I was wrong. I think I will give it a week and see how many times she contacts me. She texted me earlier 2day so I know she still loves me and cares but she needs to figure out if I am worth giving it another chance. I just need to win her trust back be4 it is too late. Thx again everyone for your responses.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): if you love this girl, you go back out there and you win her back dammit! lol surley loving someone is all about surviving through the hard times, dude, win her back and marry her, prove to her shes the one, tell her if you had nothing to hide you would not have given her the password, right now, she needs some loving and attention! you kno what, there are probably loads of obsticales that broke you down, but its all about u two! forget everything else, figure out a plan, tell her you'll close your old email account, after all, you aint using it right!? just go n win her back and stop wasting time, life is way to short for what ifs and hows, love and God Bless, Friend xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): I don't think your girlfriend thinks it matters that you were not able to access yahoo at work, and that you were with her most times....she thinks that you and your ex ex are talking on the phone or behind her back in person because of what the ex says....generally ex girlfriends are not this bitchy unless you are still leading them on in some way, but if you swear you are not and offered to get together with the two of them and she did not take you up on it, then you are in a tough spot.
Did you change your password to something neither of them has? I would. I have to ask though, why did you not change your password after you broke up with the ex? Did you just forget to do so?
Anyway, just give her some time alone to miss you and to sort her feelings and thoughts out and then try to apologize in the way I suggested, don't start in on that she should not have read your emails, she did read them and she is upset over what she read, she has a right to her feelings.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Well I am not lying to her. I am also not lying to you all! I didn't tell you the whole story as it is so long I thought maybe you wouldn't read it all. It was that my ex kept making it seem like we were talkin, but I wasn't because at the times the emails were sent I was with my girlfriend at the time or at work and I can't access yahoo mail at work. So I wrote my ex and told her that thx to her BS my life is ruined because of how my girlfriend felt about me. Then my ex wrote back and said good if I can't be with you no one will and she doesn't deserve you anywayz. Then my girlfriend replied to her with I love him and we will be 2gether until death do us part. Then the ex wrote back you wish I will always be in his life some how. The thing is you are right I was very foolish and too trusting I gave them both my passwords when I dated them but I had nothing to hide so I wasn't worried about anything. Until this started happening I hadn't been on that email in 3 months I use work email as I can access it anywhere. After that my girlfriend didn't really trust me cuz she said there is something goin on here if she says she will be in your life some how. I offer to go meet with the ex, me, my girlfriend and her and all talk and get everything off our chest but she said no. She now says she wants to get past that but is not sure if we should be together. I spoke with her grandfather and he said give it time like you are all sayin and I am trying so hard not to call her. But 2day she texted me and asked if we could fast 2gether for a week and that she loves me so much and don't really know if we will be 2gether again but hope is alive becuz she still wants to be my friend at the moment. She also wanted to know what happened to what we had. I said we lost track and I lost focus. So I will take it day by day and just not ask her about us and just be friends.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Hi Hunny
I can quite honestly say I have never felt the need to read my fellas e-mails I just have no reason and cant be bothered..Even if he had messages from ex g/fs I wouldnt care as its the past. My second husband yes as he was not right and I needed information for my own safety...Not to see what he was doing or had been with whoever!!!!!!!
You have changed and grown your not hiding anything or you wouldnt have given the password, Give it some time sweetheart and see how things go, Your past has nothing to do with your future or the now or we would all be up shit creek without a paddle as no one is perfect. I do hope you sort things out and she realises you love her and have grown from past experiences and I wish you all the luck in the world on this one hunny TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): PS Your woman will admire you once again if you can win back her heart
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): I just broke up with a boyfriend over a similar situation and I am much older than you are. I actually was like your girlfriend and read my boyfriend's email without his permission because he admited to an emotional affair with an old high school girlfriend, he actually reassured me it was one sided on her part and that he wouldn't want her because she has 3 kids and he already has one of his own he is paying child support for....well, that kind of reassurance did not help me so while he was out of town I took a peak, and even though nothing proved a physical affair, it sure sounded like they were heading that direction with all of the innuendos and flirtatious remarks and her writing that she did not love her husband anymore and missed those butterfly in your stomach feelings...(I thought I was reading the mails of a 15 year old not a 32 year old woman!) Well, he was upset he got caught flirting so much and blamed me for prying and promptly broke up with me, it has been two weeks and he is just now starting to talk to me and here is where I stand with it all.
I found out from an ex girlfriend of my ex boyfriend that he has had two physical affairs with married women in the last 4 years and he is single, he lies to women when he meets them and tells them he hasn't dated since his daughter was born and he has been in a f buddy relationship up until he met me with one of those women who just recently divorced.....and he has made little lies to me about the whole thing.....the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior....and this guy is 36 years old so I don't think he is going to change for me.
How does this relate to you and your girlfriend? Well she betrayed your trust and you probably are mad about that, and she must have read something in those emails you were still receiving from your ex that indicated the two of you had recently talked....or she would not have broken up...something doesn't add up here, I think you migt be telling a lie to us.....you have to learn to stop doing that----you can never work out issues with your partner this way because they always come out and then it is 10 times worse because of the lying.
What your girlfriend will tell you is that she no longer trusts you....this is a very hard thing to get back because it has to be earned....but the underlying emotion or reason if you will is that she feels that you don't appreciate her for who she is and all she does and you will NEVER appreciate her again in the future because you may cheat or are a cheater and lie about it.
What you are feeling is losss of her admiration for you, she no longer has those stars in her eyes, she sees you for the flawed human that you are.
If you want to get back together with her, I would stop all contact with her for a month....but first tell her you take responsibility for the rift in the relationship. Not I am sorry, but you did this, not I am sorry I was wrong, but I am sorry that I caused this rift in our relationship, you must have felt shocked and dismayed when you saw those emails, but I can assure you I did not mean to hurt you, it is you I want to marry, not her and I would never cheat on you with her....if you don't believe me I will give you her phone number to call her as long as I can be present in the room.....do this in about two weeks, leave her alone for another couple and let her come to you....if she doesn't call her and keep the conversation light, schedule a fun date and take it from there...back everything up and do fun things together so you can reconnect and bond....she is going to be suspicious otherwise if you rush in a beg her to take her back....women need time to restablish the connection....so understand this and do the best you can, and stop lying and fooling around with other women.....Good Luck.
...............................
|
