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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, My girlfriend no longer trusts me because i kept deep personal secrets about my family from her and when i eventually told her she reacted in a way that she was mad, upset and dissappointed all in one. What should i do to get her to trust me again? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tell me all about it! +, writes (23 May 2006):
 u cart just get her to trust u it going to take time answer her questions no matter when when she asks u if u dont she think u ar still tryiing to keep things from her u got to show her u are there four her if she wants to talk day or night time good luck
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (23 May 2006):
 It doesn't sound like a trust issue - it sounds more like she feels entitled to know everything about you. You should ask her why she feels so entitled. She is also acting like she is insecure. How long have you two been together? Has she been burned before she met you? Did she have a previous relationship (or relationships) in which she was betrayed?
She is the one with the issues, not you. So you now have a choice. You can allow her insecurities to control the relationship. This is the easy path because you avoid confrontation. Or you can help her to identify the basis for her insecurities. This path won't be the easy one, but in the end it will help to maintain balance in the relationship. You are at a tricky stage now, and it will take hard work from both you and your girlfriend to settle this issue in a healthy way.
Good luck to both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): Deep personal secrets... First of all, they are deep personal secrets about your family. So why would she be upset that you kept them from her? She should grow up 'a bit' and realize that since a "deep personal secret" about the family is kept secret, there is probably a good reason for it. So why does any of this has to do with trust? Eg: I don't tell my gf everything. [sigh]
First, I think you should make your point across to her, that this has nothing to do with trusting her or not. It simply means some things are kept secret that do not involve her in the first place (unless it does). Second, you can't actively do anything to gain her trust 'again'. You can only continue what you have and the whole 'trust' issue will fall with her - whether she can come out of her closed-mindedness and come out as an open-minded and considerate person.
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A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Hey there,
Firstly, how long have you been together? If it's been a few years, then, as a woman, she will feel like you haven't had enough trust and faith in her to tell her your deepest, darkest secrets - that is what we females are like. We need to know that you can tell us everything and anything. So it is only natural for her to feel these things - you have to understand that, which it seems you do.
The only way to regain her trust is to talk about this. You need to sit her down and explain WHY you didn't tell her. Be completely honest. Then let her talk and don't dismiss how she is feeling. Tell her you understand how you have made her feel and are so deeply sorry that you can't bear to hurt her like this by keeping secrets. If it's true, then promise her that you will be open and honest from now on, just that you wanted to cement the love you two had before you told her something so big.
Hopefully talking will solve things, but only time will help her regain trust again, just keep doing nice things for her and being honest from now on, and life will be peachy xxxx
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