A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am a 28yo Male and I have been in a relationship with a 28yo female for almost 1 year. We have live together by ourselves no kids, standard 9 - 5 jobs. My problem is our sex life was great at the beginning a couple of times a week and now in the past 2 months it is once a fortnight if i'm lucky and i guess I want more. Now I do all the cooking and the chores are evenly spread I also study outside of full-time work. After about 6 weeks in which I thought it was just a phase I brought up my concerns and asked about spicing up p our sex life if there was anything we could do I could do etc. Problem is she won't talk it's just a flat response I don't feel like sex, I don't want to talk about it. Now it has been another month of this once a week I try in different ways to bring the subject up but I get the same icy response.Also she thought she had thrush about 2 months ago becasue of stinging during sex but still hasn't done anything about it see a doctor or anything I suggested it once but don't want to push it.I am not forceful when I I tried to bring it up in the morning, once over dinner and the last time during here period to try and show I wasn't just trying to get her in the sack but bringing up a genuine relationship concern but she won't talk or even make suggestions to me and makes me feel bad by saying I don't love her anymore. I also made her angry becasue she said if we didn't have sex for 6 months or a year would I leave and I said yes becasue it's part of a healthy relationship and I won't cheat.I guess it's not even a year and this is already happening it does worry me.I feel she doesn't care about my concern as she won't even talk about it or make any constructive suggestions too me, she just tries to make me feel bad about mentioning it. All I want is for both of us to make an effort, I feel I am illing to listen and make adjustments to please her but it isn't always the other way.I am think she is talking about it to one of her friends but I feel it is me she should be communicating with!Suggestions ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): I think that no sex for 6 months to a year is an unrealistic expectation to have for a man that you sleep with every night. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. I think that you need to express to her that you are a healthy young man that likes to have sex. That is perfectly normal and if she can not understand that then she needs a serious reality check. If this is due to a serious medical condition, then ok but if this is something that can be treated by a doctor I think it is more to it than what she is letting on.
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (26 September 2007):
 i think the most obvious explanation is shes finding sex painful so of course she doesnt want to do it a lot. if she thinks she may have thrush she should either see a doctor or buy something from the chemist to treat it. there is no sense in being in pain and having no sex life for something as common as thrush.
but i have to say i can see why she got angry when you said you'd leave if there was no sex. she thinks sex is more important to you than she is so you need to reassure her that its not sex you miss, its sex with her because you love her and miss having that closeness.
brooke
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