A
male
age
30-35,
*ebaslookingforward
writes:This is about an online relationship.My question this time is, why do I care so much about my online ex girlfriend? We dated in january and it was fantastic, she was the "perfect girl" emotionally, and we shared lots of values and hobbies.Things went on well until her real life friend (Zack) asked her out. She told me via an OFFLINE message on MSN that I got when I opened MSN the next time. She told me that she wanted to give him a chance. I got sad, and sent her a few offline messages. She then said I should not worry and that it was her sister messing on her MSN, that Zack was not real. I felt relieved but remained a bit suspicious.On a trip to the United States I mailed her a letter at this point, which she loved or so she said.A couple weeks later she left for a few days to see her brother. She was not clear about when she was leaving and so we spent a week without talking while she had said it would be three days. After a week I sent offline messages to her saying I missed her and that I was uncomfortable with the situation. She asked for a break via ANOTHER OFFLINE message.At this point I googled for help (I wouldn't tell anyone about an online fling, that's embarrassing) and I FOUND THIS WONDERFUL SITE. I got lots of helpful advice on never settling down on breaks reading some other things people asked.After a week of no contact I got on her online teen site profile and I saw she had been messaging...Zack. Yes, he was real, they had been messaging for quite a bit. I sent her a very mean insulting email. Weeks later, I emailed her for an explanation. She said I did not deserve one.Yesterday, I emailed her saying if she wanted to never hear from me again, she should just tell me but she said "Deep breath is what I need". In the end we settled down to talk on MSN again after almost two months.Long story short: she said Zack was real, that the two of them had been dating since she first told me, and that she hid it because she felt bad about it and did not want to hurt me. And that she took the break from talking to me because she was suffocated by my messages after her trip.She also acted a bit differently, and I got to realize she wasn't as nice as I thought, that we didn't share so much, and that she was a bit dumb and weird in negative ways... Basically I got to know the WHOLE TRUTH today.I've seeked help a lot and helped others in this site for a while now. It helped me a lot (now I know online relationships don't work and that you cannot love someone you have never met). However, I find it so hard to completely cut all contact with her, as I honestly don't want that to happen even though it's the BEST I could do really. I feel bad about having sent her the letter. What do you guys say I should do now?
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male
reader, sebaslookingforward +, writes (8 April 2011):
sebaslookingforward is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy feeling is weird. I don't want her back... But I miss talking the way we used to I guess. Just after having posted this question we talked yet once more and she told me some strong bad things that happened in her life. She did not tell me that to make me feel bad about criticizing her, the topic naturally got into the conversation and she never got help on it.I just believe it can't harm to keep contact with her, but I honestly think it could be a wrong idea as I've read cases of people on here that got hurt after doing that with their ex's.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Just keep focusing on her negative qualities you recently discovered as much as possible, and I think eventually you'll start to be less tempted to contact her. I hate to say this, but there isn't much else you can do. Also, don't keep contacting her if she's stopped talking to you, because that will only lead to her thinking you're an annoying stalker with no life. And the last thing you want if you're trying to get over her is for her to think negatively of you, because then you'll probably start to want her even more because people tend to want what they know they can't have.
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