A
male
age
30-35,
*ndicannabisativa
writes:So I have this girlfriend of about 6 months, she's my first girlfriend (I'm 17 she's 18), and it wasn't love at first sight, I just wanted a short relationship cause she left for college (in Europe) about 5 months in. But as we got further I started to love her and fell in love with her, and even though we're not technically "together" (we have an open relationship) we talk every day and say I love you and call each other pet names. I've always had doubts about my love for her, and I don't feel I love her as much when she is just normal or around other people as when we're alone and she is really sweet to me. I'm really attracted to her but some stuff she says annoys me, and sometimes I have to force myself to want to talk to her on the phone. I want to talk to her but she'd get really upset, and I'm afraid if I mention my doubts I'll lose her and regret it later. I'm kind of a perfectionist so I might have unreal expectations of her and our relationship. But on the other hand I don't want to be stuck with someone I don't love forever, and I don't want to hurt her later. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Question you really have to ask yourself is:Would i like this person even just as a friend, if it weren't for all the relationship confusion?Personally, i don't think relationships at our age (i'm 20) have a good chance of lasting anyway. Bear in mind, she's your first girlfriend, and everyone goes a bit extra crazy that first time. As to liking her more in public, than in private, i can understand that. Everyone has a public personality / facade, and a more private personality. If you don't like her public personality, if she's really different, then that is a problem - i just think it shows a great deal of insecurity on her part.You seem more into her, than she is into you.. especially if you're the one after commitment, and she's the one keeping it as an open relationship.. If someone still wanted an open relationship with me after i'd be seeing them for 6 months, i'd say goodbye.I think you should talk to her gently about how you feel. If you are kind about how you say the problems you feel that your relationship has, then it won't be a problem, because she'll want to help you work them out if she thinks the relationship is going somewhere. If after 6 months together you still can't have an adult conversation (note conversation - not an argument), and she reacts badly despite you being as kind and lovely as you can be, and having presented the resolution of the problems as a way to make the relationship stronger, then you should chalk this one up to experience.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 September 2008):
 If you don't know for sure then you probably don't. She might be very close to your "right woman" but just misses the mark. That's what dating is for, to find those qualities and traits that make a perfect match for you.
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A
male
reader, indicannabisativa +, writes (18 September 2008):
indicannabisativa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do I know if I love her in my heart though? The fact that I don't know for sure worries me.
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A
male
reader, Everoth +, writes (17 September 2008):
 well you should talk to her if things about what she says bothers you, communication is key to keeping any relationship alive and keeping all these hidden annoyances locked up and letting them build up isn't doing you any favors. by the way, do you know for sure she would get upset or are you just thinking it? if you just think she would, just give it a shot, she's your girlfriend and should try to understand your problem. And if she does get upset, maybe its just the way you are bringing it up with her, think about how you are presenting the problem. Other than that, she's just being difficult and you might want to consider someone else.
think to yourself whats wrong and talk to her
and if she only treats you sweetly when you two are alone, perhaps you should just look back and reevaluate how she treats you all the time rather than those moments when you two are alone
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A
male
reader, indicannabisativa +, writes (17 September 2008):
indicannabisativa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: I can see myself being with her for a long time, i just don't know if I'm ready to take that step yet. I do believe I love her I just have my doubts at times.
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