A
male
age
41-50,
*leceiffle
writes:My girlfriend of six months is moving away for a new job. She will be a 12 hour drive away in a state and part of the country I don't like.It's not a desirable location. She could have a good job and stay here, but doesn't like the company. This will also take her farther away from her family. So she wants me to move and leave my really good job, my family and home and go with. She is going whether I am or not....is this reasonable? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lifeisshort +, writes (27 February 2010):
Totally reasonable, you guys aren't married. She should put herself before you and if that means moving, with or without you, so be it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): I think you are turning this into a competition.
The fact is that she wants to move for her own reasons that matter to her. As for you, so far it seems, from what you last said, that you just mind letting her choose and going along with this.
I don't know if you mind moving per se. It seems that you mind not calling the shots. I'm thinking you will be like this in other ways and that you might not be an ideal boyfriend because of it.
Do you think you are controlling?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 February 2010):
Completely. She has her dream, and her dream involves this new job. You can't stop her. And she has also said she understands if you can't come. She's been as reasonable as she possibly can about this.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (26 February 2010):
 I don't think shes being unreasonable - she knows she wants this job, and she understands you might not want to come with her. It doesnt sound like shes demanding you drop everything to come with her; it seems she'd just rather go and do a job she enjoys (and it clearly means a lot to her if shes willing to leave her family) than stay and put up with a job which she doesnt. That seems fair enough to me - you just need to decide whether shes worth following, whether you want to try long-distance (which I do, and it can work), or whether you'd rather just let her leave and end your relationship now. To be honest, I think its much more unreasonable of you to try and force her to stay, and carry on with a job she clearly doesnt like.
Discuss your options with her and go from there - youre right, she can't demand that you come with her, but equally you can't demand that she stays.
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A
male
reader, Aleceiffle +, writes (26 February 2010):
Aleceiffle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe I should ask if she is willing to put her job ahead of me why should I ever expect that to change...I would always come second or third...
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