A
male
age
41-50,
*essence
writes:I know I shouldn't care, but it is unbeleivable. I Thought I knew the her. I have lost faith. She has no heart and is only an unfaithful woman. She is already cheating on the guy I caught her with.What can I do to heal? I know i am better off without her but why do I not feel better? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): You don't feel better because you cared--a lot--perhaps, and you made the mistake of expecting 'her' to remain faithful to you. I am sorry for your hurt. Believe, we've all been there. You need to heal and recover and that takes time. Pain is our greatest teacher. Physical pain alerts you to a problem in your body that needs attention. Emotional pain does the same thing. It tells you that there is a lesson that you need to learn so you can grow stronger, in life. It usually forces you to look inside and ultimately to stretch, grow, and gain more knowledge and understanding about yourself, and your relationship decisions in your life.
How long did you date her? My hunch here could be off, but I noticed you stated "She is already cheating on the guy I caught her with" Does this mean that this relationship was quite new, say within a 6 month span. If so, I do have to wonder if after a short time--did you really 'love' her? (really think about this) Was it perhaps an intense infatuation, not a mature, honest, deep, faithful love (which takes much longer than 6 months to get established and well rooted). Sometimes in those beginning stages, the sex is great, your having fun and it's possible you are mistaking " lust for love". Really learn about the differences. So knowing this, may help you to understand that dating someone new, is always a time to be smart and choose wisely--it's a selection process to finding that loyal, good partner for yourself. Perhaps, knowing this might help you in your healing journey. The girl was not for you. The right person for you is still out there. Deal with your pain, heal, recover and get out there and find a good, quality person...one you can trust and respect. I wish you the best of luck and take care of yourself. It's time to look after YOU.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 August 2008):
 Oh Sweetie, thank your lucky stars that you weren't married to and rest assured that she will never stay faithful to any man. Perhaps a bit of counselling to help you cope with what has happened.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 August 2008):
You can look on this and realise it is not your fault that she cheated. You just happened to be one in a live of people who were simply collateral damage to her.
She obviously has some deep problems that she needs to deal with. You were just caught in the crossfire of it all.
I'm sorry this happened to you but it seems to be a case of "shit happens." If you can accept that in the chaotic world we live in that bad things happen, but good things will also happen to you, then you'll be fine.
Good Luck!! xx
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