A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex gf and I broke up 3 weeks ago.She has a 3 and a half year old daughter,which i took as my own,because ive been with her since she was born,she took me as her father. I helped her with everything,bought nappies etc,i supported her with everything,because she didnt always want to ask her parents.The childs father didnt want anything to do with them,he denied it was hes child.Fast forward 3 years until now. Since the beginning of the year she has been asking when we are getting engaged,i told her it would be a surprize,so it would be unexpected.Beginning of June,i set aside a ring for her. Just 2 weeks before we broke up,she tells me shes so lucky to have found a guy like me,that loves her and her child,because guys dont go for that,she says she cant see herself without me,we were meant to be, and im like a father to her daughter. Just 4 days later,she tells me she spoke to the childs father,after 4 years.She says he wants to take a paternity test to see if he is the father, and if so he will pay support or be a part of the childs life,or whatever he decides.I found all this very suspicious,who made contact with who?and why after 4 years would he suddenly take an interest in the child?I told her to think this thing through before she does anything. She then tells me she and her daughter will have to go meet him.I told her i would take her.Few days later i asked her when i must take her to go see him,she tells me its fine,she already made other arrangement with her other so called best friend,who she also hasnt seen in 4 years.When i questioned her about it,she told its none of my business,i should stay out of it.Her whole attitude changed.That same friday she broke up with me with a text message.She didnt even give me a valid reason for the break up,except that she 'needed some space'.I then find out, the day after we broke up, the saturday,she goes to meet him,without her daughter,her friend drops her off at his house.They have sex at his house.Her friend then picks her up again.She still had not told her parents we had broken up.I found out she actually broke up with me to be with him,that if the paternity test comes back,he would be her father and they would be together.Its been 3 weeks since we broke up,i havent seen or spoken to her since.No paternity test has been done,he once again wants nothing to do with them.How could she be so stupid to want to get involved with such a person again.Now shes alone, and the child has no father.I really love and miss her daughter. I dont know what to do.I kinda feel sorry for her,but im more concerned about the child.What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I feel really sorry for you. There arnt many men willing to take on another child yet you did.I can see by the tone of your letter what a gent you are. I also think you have valid reason to be concerned for the child in question- which I think you have every right to call YOUR daughters as well as hers!You bought the child up, you fed her, clothes her, bathed her, in all that counts you are her father!Your ex acted very stupidly by running back to her ex, and I'm afraid she needs to lie in her own mess now. Please don't have sympathy for her as she didn't show you any when she went and jumped into this other mans bed so quickly!Your actions now should be to call her, tell her you still want to do right by this little girl as she is the victim along with yourself, that you will still be there for her but not her mother(your ex). This little girls deserves to have you in her life, your ex gave up that right by running back to this man so easily- I suspect she will carry on with that every time he clicks his fingers.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Oh dear what an awful situation for you. Please don't take her back when she comes crawling back to you and she WILL do this. I wouldn't waste any time feeling sorry for her but I agree with you about the child. To be honest I'm not sure what the best course of action here is. Could you consult a lawyer and see what they suggest? Maybe let her know that you will always be here for the child if need be.
All the best to you I'm sure other Aunts and Uncles will have good suggestions for you.
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