A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend doesn't believe me when I tell her that I love her. She will say she does if I ask, but sometimes out of nowhere she will ask me why I love her, or what do I mean when I say that. Then if there is a fight she will just repeatedly say "I don't know" if I say it. I have asked her why she says that during fights and she says its just her being caught up in the moment and emotional but its becoming a regular thing. I think she feels this way because she said I love you first, then when I said it back it turned into a big thing because she felt like she forced it when she didn't. I just didn't want to scare her and say it too early (it was like after one month). She usually doesn't take compliments well either like if I call her beautiful or something like that she says no. So I know she is a little insecure, which is fine but the I love you thing is starting to make me feel bad and wonder if it will ever change. I have been a good guy to her and never cheated, lied, stole or anything like that so I should be trustworthy. She is always in her head thinking I secretly want girls from the past I've been with (before meeting her). I do love her and don't want to lose her but I am running out of ideas on how to handle this because eventually it is going to run me down emotionally.
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female
reader, OhHeyLo +, writes (28 June 2010):
I am in practically the same situation as your girlfriend, my issues with insecurity and low self-esteem come from bad relationships in the past, ones in which I wasn't used to having a boyfriend tell me I was beautiful or that they loved me, or for them to tell me those things and the hurt me badly. It sounds like she's scared of losing you, like she feels that you could do better than her. Trust me, she knows it hurts you when she acts this way, and she doesn't like hurting you, but she doesn't know how to cope with these feelings of caring so much about you. The best advice I can give you is to be patient with her, don't get mad, or if you do, don't show her the level of irritation. Tell her how it makes you feel when she says things like that, and talk to her about her past. I bet its a past relationship that's causing this self esteem issue. Once you get it all out in the open, you'll be able to work together to find a good solution.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): weird i was in the same situation. i felt somewhat how ur gf feels, i felt that way because i wasnt used to a guy loving me or calling me beautiful.i wanted to believe it but i couldnt. i think the reason why i didnt believe him is because i was insecure and nervous. im over it now because i dated other people and learned more off it. But i think you should talk to her and find out more about her past. sometimes the past has a lot to do with what kind of person you are today. i hope that helped
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (28 June 2010):
Sounds like she needs to grow up are just likes the attention! my motto actions speaks louder then words try that and see if then she believes you.
Good Luck!
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