A
male
age
41-50,
*otarosca
writes:*OP's own title*I have a friend who says she is in some financial problem. My problem is that sometimes when i call her, she takes forever to call or flash back.Sometimes when i call, i feel 'she may not have enough credit to call back' and then i call only to get no reply. The last time she called me she said i dont call her as much as i used to. But the last time i sent her a text, i did not get a reply. After about 3 days, i called to see if she was alright. The phone went to voicemail. 3 days after the call she sends a long text saying that she has not heard from me for a long time. I feel irritated that she did not even acknowledge that i sent her a text earlier. She later called after about an hour but i was doing something and could not take it.i was wondering if i should call back or wait for about 3 days as she usually does. I know it sounds petty but i have a friend who doesn't have all the money in the world,but she goes as far as using her friends phone to say ' i dont have credit. please call back.' I guess i flow better with people who are more proactive. On the other hand, she may be in real financial difficulty and find it difficult to use the pay phone or ask someone else for their phone. My problem is that its becoming like a pattern. I call. She does not pick up the phone or reply to text. After a few days, she calls and i pick up the phone quickly or she flashes and i call back right away. When next i call she doesnt pick up the phone..... This makes me feel quite irritated as i feel she believes that i will always call her whenever she is in need. I feel i should just give some space until she is quite settled because i find it difficult to know is she really wants me to make contact or if she really does not have the money to contact or even send an e-mail. When in these situations i find myself unable to concentrate and do something more productive. Stupidly i still worry about her and wonder if she is ok. or am i thinking about this too much and just call back and allow the patter continue. Help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (22 March 2010):
 You're right, someone calls or texts you, you either answer or if you really can't at that moment you return to them as soon as you can but not everyone thinks or sees things the same way.
Some friendships just aren't equal and never will be and some just need showing so they realise what they're doing so they can rectify it.
We don't always see what we're doing until its pointed out to us and hopefully she isn't doing it on purpose and once she realises she will hopefully put things right and they will continue like that.
I'm glad I could be of some help.
A
male
reader, rotarosca +, writes (21 March 2010):
rotarosca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Entirely unique, It's a little painful now, but i think in the long term if we are to be friends then i need to draw back a bit. I think no amount of assertiveness is as effective as treating someone the same way that they treat you, so that they see how it feels. I think it goes without saying that if someone calls or texts that you should make attempts to answer as soon as possible. If you dont answer it possibly means that it is not really important. So, i think laying back a bit and allowing her to do more of the contacting would tip the balance and make the relationship healthier. Thanks
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (21 March 2010):
I would try to distance yourself from her and the way she is behaving, I would understand the odd time of missing calls and something really big happening causing her to take a few days to get back to you but she doesn't even bother to apologise and explain.
I do believe she knows you'll always bother no matter how much she doesn't put the effort in and that's not a fair or equal friendship and until she's ready to put the same amount in I wouldn't put anything in yourself.
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