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She cheated once. Will she do it again if I forgive her?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2011)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

If your wife of 5years cheats on you w/her baby daddy. Would she do it again if I forgive her? She confess to me because she felt unhappy with her self. She said it only happend once and that she is sorry? Should I forgive her?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah you guys and girls are right. But something inside my heart says to believe her. The other thing is that we now have a 3year old daughter that is her and mine.she is so attach and don't want to hurt her(my kid) but then again ur words mean alot and I"will take consideration on all ur taughts.thanks tho

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011):

i tend to agree with those who question your wife.

once once?? come on, isn't this what all cheaters say, more especially women?

no good, not good at all.

baby daddy and sex = trouble, cheating

your wife will ALWAYS want to be with this other man.

so if you take her back, be warned that this will be on going.

LoveGirl

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A female reader, Orbiter United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2011):

Well no one can tell you for sure whether or not she'll cheat again but from what I've heard and seen people who cheat generally don't do it only the once.

Another thing that bothers me slightly is her wording (if it's the exact wording she used) which is that she confessed only because she felt unhappy with herself. This just comes across to me as a selfish way to put it, but it could just be my interpretation. How long did she wait before she confessed?

CaringGuy also raises a good point that she will be seeing him again, maybe even frequently. Will you be happy to trust her with him after this?

Unless you're very aware you've done or are doing something in the relationship to make her that unhappy, I wouldn't forgive her. It's up to you though, do you think you can trust her again, are you really sure she regrets it and is the relationship worth saving in the first place?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (30 March 2011):

I agree with the post at the bottom, Sincerely Yours.

I think there us a huge issue here, and it's not the simple fact she cheated. She cheated with an ex who is also the father of her baby.

So problem 1 is working out why she felt the need to cheat in the first place. She says she was unhappy with herself? Why? you need to know that.

Problem 2 is that rather than talking, she chose to cheat. That shows her up as someone who either had a problem talking, or makes bad decisions quickly.

Problem 3 is that of all the people on earth , she cheated with an ex and father of her baby. What does that show? It shows that she still has feelings for him, that there was something there.

Problem 4 is that she will always see this man. She will always have him in her life, she will always speak to him about the baby. He will always be there, and she can't cut contact. He'll probably try to get her into bed again, and you can't be sure she won't resist. There will be times where she has to be alone with him - can you handle that?

The one good thing here is that she at least came forward. But really it's a small point considering she cheated with her ex.

What you do is of course up to you. It's not about whether you should forgive her, it's whether you want to forgive her, whether you think she should be forgiven, and whether she and you are both willing to work overtime to sort this out.

On a personal note, I was cheated on by my ex, and she cheated with her ex. So to an extent I know how you feel. I also know that dumping my ex was the best thing I did. If you don't have that many commitments, maybe that's something worth considering.

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A male reader, Leodjoneluv United States +, writes (30 March 2011):

Leodjoneluv agony auntI would not forgive her. If she did once, she would do it again. Especially the baby daddy. he will always be there because of the kid.

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A female reader, Luv2giveadvice Australia +, writes (30 March 2011):

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is not just a saying.

If she was unhappy with herself or the relationship

the first thing she should have done is talk to you.

I strongly believe that the trust is broken beyond repair.

I say get out and find someone who will respect and

honour you, it will be hard, but there will be a rainbow

at the other end.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (30 March 2011):

Sincerely Yours agony auntI know this is very painful and I am so very sorry, but the way she acted is an improvement over many other options.

Many people will not confess and if they are found out, will try to justify it.

Also, many who cheat, cheat with strangers.

Your girl cheated with someone who she already was emotionally connected with.

If I were you, I would be more concerned with her relationhsip with her then just the simple fact that she cheated. Who she cheated with means a lot.

But also that she came forward means a lot. She felt bad enough to tell you , knowing she could get away with it.

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