A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Two weeks ago, my girlfriend of 18 months broke up with me. She started uni in September and seems to be having more fun there than she did with me and things became tense and she jumped ship. She told me a few weeks ago that she still loves and I love her too. But I can't help but feel that she's with someone else. We speak every now and then by text and it's usually me to contact her and she often takes ages getting back to me if at all. Does she really love me, want to be friends or is she using me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): She is confused. You have something that she is afraid to give away to another woman. There are times when she is with friends and having a really good time and there are times when she is alone somewhere thinking about you. Sometimes we just have to let go of things that we love go. If it comes back, then it too love us. If it doesn't come back, there is no love within. Don't be afraid of challenge, grasp it and see the true result.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): Sounds like she's pulling away.
You probably need to let her go and move on. It's a lot better than sitting inside all semester/year carrying a torch for her while she's out with other new guys, and then finally discovering the truth when she decides she has to break the news with you.
You probably feel like you would never have been so quick to start looking for other girls and it hurts you that she seems to already be moving on. But you've gotta realize the unequal sexual politics at work here.
She's female and she will get pursued. You're male and you have to do the pursuing. She doesn't HAVE to go out looking for new guys, the new guys will beat down her door and she has to keep actively turning them away all the time. Only YOU have the option of isolating yourself and never meeting anyone new.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): using you
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