A
male
age
36-40,
*oboaxe
writes:About 2 months ago I met a girl at a convention and we hit it off really well. She lives far from me (about 50 miles), but we started to see each other virtually every weekend. We've spent the night at each others places, but we haven't had sex yet (she doesn't feel ready yet).She has always been very caring for me, and gave me really great presents for my birthday. I enjoy hanging out with her and talking with her very much. About 2 weeks ago I asked her to be my girlfriend. She accepted. But now a problem which I initially thought was part of the so called "game" of attraction, has just turned into a flat out problem. She is terrible at returning calls, texts, or even communicating, in between us seeing each other. She can say she will call, but never does, and routinely blames it on her phone acting up. She won't answer texts until days later, and now it brings me to the problem. We haven't seen each other for over a week because she had to go to a family event (this is true, she did sent me a pic of her there). Wednesday night I called her, no response. I called her Thursday and she replied with a text, calling me hun, asking if she could call me the following day after work because she was taking care of her sister. I said sure, talk to you then. She thanked me....then tomorrow came (yesterday) and I got no phone call. I called, nothing. Now I don't know what to do. I'm not contacting her again until she does, but when she does, what should I say? How do I confont her about this? She's told me she has anxiety issues, but I am very distraught, to say the least. Thank you for reading this, I apologize for the length, I tried to sum it up as best I could.
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male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (17 February 2014):
Roboaxe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, she did end up calling back the following Tuesday.
And after a curt conversation, broke up with me.
It was pretty bad. She would not say why she is breaking up, did not want to talk about it, and simply said "the relationship has run it's course"
I really enjoyed her company and it's been tough getting over her. I entertain thoughts of calling or texting her, but I usually stop myself. She did break up with me after all.
Thanks for your thoughts!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 October 2013):
 first of all fifty miles is not far... I guess for you it seems that way. I know when my hubby and i were dating LDR we were 100 miles (2 hours) apart and I would sometimes go right to work on Monday from his place... (long commute to be sure).... and yet I had a friend recently tell me that 2 hours apart was not LDR either... so i guess it's relative.
as for her not contacting you... the next time you are together you need to talk to her and let her know you need more contact from her and you need her to step up a bit.
when hubby and I were first dating he was very very bad at initiating contact. He was not much for talking, we rarely sent texts and most of our initial contact for the first few months was via email (we met at a con too btw)
I finally had to tell him that I needed MORE contact... not in terms of how much time (I did not expect him to talk to me for hours on end but I wanted DAILY contact)
eventually when we got serious (about 4 months in) we settled into a pattern...
he asked me to call him every morning to wake him up... I would call him (I was up before him) and we would talk about 30 seconds...
some days we had emails some days not some days we had more phone calls, most days not...
but I asked him if i could have a nightly "bedtime tuck in call" and he agreed to it because I needed that bit of contact daily... sometimes this call lasted all of 2 minutes if we were busy or we had just seen each other... other times it would go on till one or both of us fell asleep on the phone...
eventually it stopped feeling so uneven (my feeling Like i needed/wanted more contact than he did)
some folks just don't need that 24/7 up in your face daily thing...
the best thing to do is sit down with her and ask her what her ideal level of contact would be, tell her your ideal level and come to a compromise...
she's away with family now... and she's caring for a family member so she's probably pretty focused on that.
it's a very new relationship so right now to be honest you are not the priority if she's caring for her sister (is her sister sick or just young?) oh and you are 26-29 how old is she?
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