A
female
age
30-35,
*hutup_n_eatme
writes:I've been with my bf for over a year now. And I love him, which is why I haven't left. But the sex with him is horrible. When he tries it, he doesn't make sure I'm wet enough before he tries to slide it in. Then, he had to use his finger to guide it in because it doesn't seem to get hard enough, EVER, to fully penetrate. It's also small, so when hes finally in, I don't feel it. AND he only lasts like 5 minutes. We only ever can do one position because other positions make it hard for him to stick It in. He does give me oral sex a lot, maybe because he knows he doesn't please me much. But even that is sort of bad. I try to direct him with that, and he doesn't seem to get it. He also likes to finger me but it gets to the point where it hurts because he sticks his fingers up there too far and he thinks it's pleasuring because he DID make me squirt twice before that way. But he just doesn't do it much in a way I enjoy it. I've also tried giving him head before and it didn't enhance his performance. MY question is, how do I tell him he isn't sexually pleasing me, without sounding harsh ?? How can this relationship be improved sexually? Should I buy toys and try that approach ? How can I direct him to doing the right things while he's eating me out ?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 February 2015):
 Well let's start here:
How can I direct him to doing the right things while he's eating me out ?
BY being able to VERBALIZE what exactly you want him to do. If you DON'T tell him he is NOT pleasing you, you will continue to have crappy sex, and he will continue to think he is the "master in the sheets".
TELL him, I haven't enjoyed sex much at all lately. I want us to work better together sexually.
This isn't JUST about him being "bad" in bed. Sex takes TWO people. So if you do NOT speak up, you are as responsible for it as he is.
I would NOT mention his size. Because frankly that might not BE the issue. I would tell him to NOT finger you so roughly, because it feel painful.
SHOW him how to "manipulate" your clitoris.
So instead of saying YOU DO IT WRONG, tell him :" hey let me show you what I really like" then you take his hand and guide him.
ASK him how he prefers getting a blow job. Because if it doesn't do anything for him, maybe YOU aren't doing it so well.
If you DO decide on adding toys, my suggestion? DO NOT get dildos. Get either vibrating cock-rings (which can help you both - him to stay hard and you to get the "buzz") or get pocket sized vibrators to stimulate the clitoris.
Getting a dildo will most likely just make him feel inadequate.
Him not getting hard makes me think he "wanks" a lot. A hand is nice and "tight", a vagina is not as tight as a fist. Because? IT IS NOT A FIST!!
So, you say he "puts it in" before you are even aroused and ready. UM, why don't you stop him? Tell him you actually NEED a bit of a warm up before the penetration?
YOU need to learn to TALK about sex, not just have it.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 You will have to be blunt regarding sex..."this is how I like it. Put you tongue here, and do this with it."My dear too many women go through life with bad sex because they do not speak up and tell the guy what they want, because they can't "tell him he isn't sexually pleasing me, without sounding harsh." They ASSUME we have the penis and therefore know how to use it. Not always, and those who don't need to be told how.Come on...We expect to be please right?...so why should you not expect the same thing? Because women do not speak up, men get to be lazy in the bedroom. They become rabbits rather than lovers...just humping like their life depended on it. Anything slower than 60 miles an hour, they will explode.He may not be the one for you, but he may be the one to start telling him what you want, when you decide to give us what we want.
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A
male
reader, dayvide  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 I really think a relationship without a good sex could be bound to fail. Being unable to satisfy one's partner could be as a result to psychological issues once the mind is not completely free and ready it can't send messages to the cock thereby making sex less pleasurable. I'll advise you just talk to your bf in a calm way and explain to him how you like being touched. You can both watch porn and make him relax for him to be able to be fully mentally and emotionally stable.. I believe you both can still have great sex
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