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Seeking revenge over my boyfriend's cheating. What should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2008) 14 Answers - (Newest, 18 August 2009)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

my bf cheated on me and now i wanna show him...i've revenge like feelings for him...i just wanna show him that he is the one who has lost something by cheating on me....otherwise it's goin to ruin my self esteem...we are in touch on day to day basis....pls help

View related questions: cheated on me, revenge, self esteem

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009):

don't waste your time on him if your planning for a revenge. Let him realized he lost a "GREAT Person" like you. Take your time feel the pain it's natural though you will surely missed the guy...but just think how beautiful you are, it's hs lost not yours anyway, Right? So Goodluck :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

I have just found out my BF was cheating onme since October last year, during a period when i was in hospital, lost a baby and a job. He worked with her! She left her husband for him and also her 3 year old child. I found out on my birthday. Despite wanting revenge on him i have just played with his mind a bit BUT i have got revenge onher by pasting her name and photo on a cheat site - felt better afterwards

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008):

This was really helpful. I was deciding on whether to confront my BF about cheating (and buying a personal massager for someone) or simply walking away. Revenge won't work because he obviously has no conscience. I don't think losing me will really phase him, and that hurts. Oh well, live and learn.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008):

just forget about it because woman are very impotant in life and man cant have nothing with out a woman.anyways find some one better that well treat you like you deserve to be treated and then that man that hurt you before well come back to try to get you back and that well be to late and like we all say what goes around comes back around

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008):

I found out my boyfriend has cheated on me, he doesn't know I know and it is so easy to get revenge on him but whats the point, what would anyone achieve in this situation, it wont turn back time, it will still be the case that he cheated on you so the best thing you should do is lose all contact with him. I know its easier said than done because of course you may love him but for him to do that means he doesnt think much of you and you deserve better than having a bloke that cheats so i say go out on a girly night out and celebrate the fact you found out sooner rather than later when you probably settled down. Just be happy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008):

Oh its so hard to get rid of those angry thoughts when someone has disrespected you. My partner of 5 years (+ business partner) left me one nite out of the blue to be with another woman. He lied consistently about why he left me + I couldn't get closure because I knew something more was going on.Found out a little over 2 months later that this woman was 2 months pregnant + had been chasing him months before he left me. I was angry, devastated, hurt + so many other horrible emotions. I wanted revenge so bad, but you just can't let yourself get to that level even tho its hard.By doing that you are sinking to their despicable standards + it just won't make you feel better. Don't contact your ex-bf, disappear from his life totally. I couldn't do that with my ex because of our business + it is torture. So if you have no ties with this man then drop him like a hot stone. Take up classes, pamper yourself, spend time with your friends, be fabulous and get your self esteem back. That man did not deserve you + you can thank your lucky stars that you had a lucky escape + no kids with him. Believe in karma, because his relationship was founded on deceipt, it will never last and he'll just move on to someone else + repeat the same scenario.

It will get better for you, I promise but it will take time so allow yourself to grieve and be angry in a constructive way (kick boxing classes etc).

Carolx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

Honey my fiance cheated on me with my best friend and I had every chance under the sun to get revenge on him but I didn't - even tho a lot of people were very surprised at. The 2 of them thought that I would scream & shout my head off at them any time I saw them....

Instead I held my head u high, kept on walking by as if they were not there at all.... No one could believe that I didn't say anything but I have standards and I left with my dignit instact. I would advise you to the same otherwise your only gonna lower yourself to their level of deceit and thats never good! It will only lower yourself esteem if you leave it.

Move onwards and upwards with your life. If I can do it - anyone can do it. It just takes will power, strength and the belief of knowing that no matter what, you did nothing wrong and are the better person here. Revenge never does anyone any good... Cut all communications with this guy, change your contact number if need be. Its worth it in the end more so than revenge!!

Best of luck

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (17 February 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntGood question from Dazzerg, is he the bf or the ex-bf?

If he is the ex, the best revenge is to make yourself happy without him. The ultimate goal for you should be to feel utter indifference toward him. Don't spend precious time or energy trying to get even with him. (Though I have to admit I like the image of the flaming, melting Playstation!)

If he's the current bf, rather than wasting time plotting revenge, figure out why he cheated on you. If you can live with the answer, work on fixing the relationship. If you can't live with the answer, it's time to move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

Honey, you can't just go and get revenge. It's childish. But what you CAN do is stop this daily contact - it seems like at the moment you're just proving to him how much you haven't got over him. If you really want revenge, then leave him in the dark. Be mysterious. For all he knows, you could have an amazing guy on the go! He'd sure be jealous then. So stop obeying his beck and call, and show him you're independant now :] You don't need him honey! :]

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (17 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntDon't drop down to his level. If you do that, then you are not much better than him.

Show him that you have class and forgive him and let it go.

The fire that burns in you ,will burnt you more than your enemies.

What goes around, comes around. He will get his dues...

Get rid of those toxic feelings inside of you . They will only make you sick.

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A male reader, Dazzerg United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Dazzerg agony auntI would tend to agree with Mandy. Revenge isn't going to get you very far at all and will most likely rebound on you although it is perfectly natural to feel the way you are feeling, revenge will not help you get your self-esteem back; in all liklihood it will probably make you feel worse in the long run. It is a bit unclear if you dumped him from this because you say 'my bf' and not 'my ex bf'. Have you ended it? Do you want to? If you have just channel all that bitterness into something positive like going out with your friends and having a good time and forgetting this person who doesnt even deserve your contempt. Good luck :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

I have a feeling that you are not going to follow my advice but the BEST revenge is to just disappear and have absolutely no contact with him. I mean what kind of punishment is it that you still talk to him everyday?? NONE whatsoever. Its like he got away with it and you are still there for him. Too easy. He's never going to feel the pain that way.

You gotta cut all communication with him immediately without giving him an explanation. He doesn't need an explanation of why you don't want to talk to him. He knows very well why you wouldn't. Don't answer his calls. Avoid the spots you'll see him. Let him know NOTHING about you or about your life. Just cut him out of your life completely. And if he calls and you accidently answer, don't be nice or sappy. Say you're really busy and you got to go and just hang up. Don't call him back. Just avoid him. And everytime you feel a moment of weakness cause you "miss him" or whatever just force yourself to remember what he did to you. He cheated! Believe me, the best revenge is when they feel like they have completely lost you and like you want nothing to do with them. That's when they really start feeling the pain. Some might even act desperately regretful and try to win you back.

And in the meantime, while you are completely avoiding him, take that anger and use it to better yourself. Start working out, start getting beautiful, start gaining your confidence back. Get in a boxing class and take out your anger on a punching bag. Get back in the dating scene. Start meeting guys. Let other guys take you out. Hang out with your friends. And try to find happiness. Anytime you are out make sure you look beautiful and happy. You never know who you might run into, including him!

Now if your idea of revenge is to hook up with his friend so he'll find out or jump into a relationship to make him jealous or something along those lines, I am just telling you he is going to see right through it and its really going to get you no where. Its just going to make you look bad and doing stuff like that won't make him realise his loss. If anything it will make him think he is better off without you. But that's not what you want. You want him to really feel the pain of your loss. So do as I say and avoid him at all costs so that he knows NOTHING about you and get beautiful and sassy and strong. He'll have mad respect for you and may even regret it.

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A female reader, carebear United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

carebear agony auntDear poster

We have all been there, but believe me cut him out your life, be happy, get on with things this is the best revenge you can get. mandy had to laugh you burned his playstation lol i cut up his clothes that i bought his underwear, scratched his precious car you name it lol it still didn't make me feel better, but anyway i will not advise the poster to do what i did (!) hope this helps maybe cheer you up.

Take care

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

Hi Hunny

I know your angry and you want to chop his dick of right now but revenge wont get you anywere, It wont change what he did you can only go forward in life hunny and grow from this experience, Ive been there and my husband hit the pavement, Oh I did burn his playstation I never realised playstations burned to tiny little square cubes! That was my revenge not huge not really clever as I didnt have anything to play my games on. Hunny get your self esteem back and rise above this nob heads cheating ways, ill send you a link.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Love-=-Positive-Self-esteem!&id=76558

I hope this help hunny and I hope you feel better really soon LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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