A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About 8 months ago I met a Pakistani man and we became friends. He was a total gentleman and we really enjoyed getting to know eachother's friends an cultures. We were seeing eachother almost everyday for about 5 months and after awhile it eventually led to intimacy. We made-out a lot and we also had sex a couple of times and continued to get close. Until... one day I asked him if we were exclusive basically I assumed we were as we saw eachother so often, he said he did not date anyone else but didn't mind if I did!! He also said he thought of me as a 'dear friend'. I was insulted and stopped speaking with him. He continued to try and keep the communication open and now we talk in a friendly but distant way by phone, texts, emails and chats but rarely see one another and it is tense when we do. Initially, I felt used like he saw me as casual sex which was a shock as it certainly did not seem that way. He seemed confused as to why I would be upset . Now it seems we are both a bit hurt but will never talk it through. Initially I didn't want to and now he refuses to . He says it is him that his life is not settled and he can't be in a relationship? Anyone with insight into this culture can help? It seems he was comfortable being a couple as long as there wasn't a label. He also has told me his family would prefer him to marry a girl from the same background but will allow him to chose. So is it because we had sex that he would not consider me as a girlfriend? Although he certainly acted as if we were and still does at times for example he seems jealous if I speak with other men and wants to know I'm okay. He dresses up and brings gifts when he visits and wants to be considered a very important part of my life and I can tell he very much wants to kiss me at times but we have stayed distant . So why is everything so messed up now? Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jen,  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Maybe he really likes you but it just somehow scared. Scared that you won't be approved of, scared that your relationship won't work. In my eyes, he kind of did use you just to have sex with. I think that's heartless.And how can he get jealous of you speaking to other men? Are you married? Or even going out? No. So he has no right to remain jealous.I think you should stop wasting your time with him and move on, find someone better and leave this person. He is obviously not going to go out with you due to his background so why wait to be told that he's found a Pakistan girlfriend and is going to get married to her.Good LuckJen x
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