A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have recently found out Im pregnant. I have been in an on off relationship with this man for a year. I am 35 this month and do not have any children. I do not love him and dont know what to do. I cant do it by myself? If I terminate the pregnancy and never have a child in the future I will regret it. He wants to make a go of it. I am so confused and upset. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, xylplxym  +, writes (13 January 2008):
First of all no, don't terminate the child; you will most assuredly regret it and you will never be the same. Many people don't understand this part, but the tremendous guilt you will feel will either drive you into depression or denial. It will be difficult, i won't hide that fact, but making the decision to have the child is definitely the right one. You can live through pregnancy and birth, but depression and denial will kill you whether it be literally or emotionally.Now, about the man. Seeing as how he wants to try, having the child with him seems like a good idea. However, if you are truly not in love with him, don't do it. If you don't love him now you will never love him; furthermore allowing him to be the father of your child is a bad idea. Seek support with your family and close friends and definitely seek counseling. You can work through this, believe in that. And don't worry about not having a man for a while, it is possible to one day find a man who you love and that is willing to love both you and your child. Have faith and i wish you good luck.
A
female
reader, xxbaybeegal +, writes (12 January 2008):
 "Keep it, keep it". you should keep it cuz u said you've never had a baby before and here's your chance. i really think you shouldnt terminate because your throwing away someones chances of life. think how much fun you'd have, you the baby. But at least if you dont want the baby which in your case a lot of people wouldnt, give it up for adoption because at least you'd give the baby life. gd luckxx
xxbaybeegal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): What a hard decision! We as all have an image of how it will be bringing children into the world. However, that concept does not always become reality. You say that if you abort the child you will regret it, which I read as you do want to have the baby but not in these circumstances. I would say keep the baby. You CAN do it on your own! YOU just THINK you cant. Its sounds as though this man wants to be in the babys life as well. You are 35 but are not getting any younger. You ARE a mum now whether you decide to bring the baby into this world or not as it will never be forgotten.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): I personally don't see the problem with abortions, some people are against them, i am not. You really need to think about whether your ready for a child, and whether you want it with this man. You say you don't love him, but don't forget that having a child with him will mean he is part of you and your child's life! Without being rude, it wouldn't come as a surprise to me if he says he wants to keep the child, simply to keep you. My cousin was in a similar situation, he got his g/f pregnant, she kept the baby so she could keep him (believe it or not it wasn't her first time she had done this). He ended up breaking it off with her, then she ended up bailing on the child and he now raises her all alone (he was 18 when she was born). My point is, do you think he will help raise the child even if you are not together? Is he honest and genuine?Also, think about the child and the fact that he/she will be raised quite possibly by separated parents at a very young age. Do you want your child to grow up this way?Just another quick story, i am seeing someone 17 years older than me (she is 37), with 2 kids and separated from her husband. The children are 3 and 5. I spend a lot of time with them, and i see the impact it has on them having to switch between parents. You can see that they are at times very unhappy.Also, i do not agree with peoriaman quote:"Keep the child and both of you try family counseling."There is no point trying to make something work that you don't want. If you don't love him, and if there is no chemistry there, then counseling will not make you love him and it will not solve anything.All i can say is think about what you want, and whether you want this for you child. Keep us updated on how its going. All the best!..
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (12 January 2008):
 You could keep it, it sounds like he wants to be in the child life. You don't have to be an couple to raise an baby together. But if you want too wait till you meet an man who you really love, then terminate the pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): it is not the baby's fault you do not love the man. and when / if you have it, you will love the baby.also, if you have not yet have kids, it is a gOOd chance to have one, that you may regret later. you are not very old at all but you never know
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 You should keep it. The child is innocent and she can be a bundle of joy . I believe children are from God. It is a blessing.
If you cannot keep it or do not want it ,give it up for adoption.
Read the story of this woman who gave up her child for adoption....
http://laura1318.wordpress.com/2007/12/20/the-best-christmas-present-from-god/
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Why blame the unborn child?
Abortion is wrong unless it is under the most extreme circumstances (ie. The baby will be born stillborn anyway, or it will be so deformed and retarded it will die without ever know life). And since you offer none of these things... you will be a murderer rather than a Euthanist.
Do not let selfish little thoughts overrule you. Lesser people have survived parenting alone and you will too. Besides the father WANTS to be there, count your blessings for that because a lot don't.
So even if you don't stay together, keep the kid.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): No. Do not terminate your pregnancy. You may regret it for the rest of your life if you do. That child will end up being the light of your life and your reason for living. Since you're 35, your reproductive years are beginning to wind down. Rely on your friends and family to help you with raising your child.
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