A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We've been together over three years and are getting married next year. He has never been crazy about sex. The first six months, we had sex about 3-4 times/week and about twice/month during the rest of the first year. After that, it became once/month. The longest was 7 months that we had gone without sex. I think it's really weird that a 34 year old man could go wihout sex for this long. I tried to ask him if he was masterbating, if he wasn't interested in sex with me, or if he wants to try something kinky, he said no, he enjoys sex when we have sex and he's not into anything kinky at all. I know it's not because of my appearance because I know I'm a pretty girl. He usually says, "you're really pretty". He loves me so much in every other way except the sex department. He said maybe he's just the kind of guy who doesn't care about sex because he rarely thinks about sex. But come one, a young man without sex 7 months and could even go longer if I wasn't complaining? He only initiate sex after I complained about how we haven't had sex for...months/weeks. He always promises that he'll work on it but months would past and nothing happened, and I have to have the talk with him again asking him why he still hasn't tried to work on it yet. I've been so sad these past couple years and have been asking him to see a doctor but he said it's embarrassing. We just ordered a testosterone test kit and will know if he has low testosterone in two weeks. Please give me some advice as I am so desperate. Is my boyfriend addicted to masterbation? I don't think he's cheating on me because he loves me very much. Besides 9 hours at work which is two minutes from home, he's with me all the time as we live together. We tells me that he would love it if I come to his office anytime. Though, he wakes up a few hours before me. Last year, when I went to grap the KY jelly for us, I found that it was 95% used up, I asked him about it and he admitted that he sometimes masterbated in the shower before work. I was really upset because he knew I'd been wanting sex with him. He promised and swore to not masterbating again but don't quite believe it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): "I just want to know if it's possible that a young man in his early 30s can go without sex for 7/8 months?"
Yes of course it's possible to go that length of time without sexual intercourse. Many single men don't have any choice about it! However, to go for months without any form of release either via sex or masturbation I would say is all but impossible for a healthy man.
You know he self pleasures, and fairly often by the sounds of it. You also say sex used to be much more frequent, so it's not like he's got a low drive per se. To answer your original question, "really low sex drive or addicted to masturbation?", it seems likely that masturbation is the problem.
If sex is important to you he must take your concerns seriously and be prepared to go to counselling, and before you get married. You're young and however much you love him, you've got to ask yourself "would I be prepared to live the rest of my life like this?"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): He loves my company. Wherever he goes, he'd ask me to go with him. He is super affectionate toward me. He is very sweet to me. It's just that he doesn't care about sex with me. Everytime I ask, he said he doesn't have an answer as to why he doesn't care about sex. I asked if he was bored with me and wanted to see other people, he said no, that he loves me more everyday and I am his perfect companion. This is why I am so clueless. He told me in his previous relationships, he had the same amount of sex as we did in our first 6 months and none of those relationships last more than 6 months. I just want to know if it's possible that a young man in his early 30s can go without sex for 7/8 months? Thank you so much for the replies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): I'm a man same age as your partner and have had two serious relationships. Was with my ex for 5 years, and despite the fact I'd always had a high sex drive, during the last 2 years of that relationship we had sex 5 times maximum, which was my choice. I didn't deliberately distance myself from her, it just happened gradually over time and we ended up sleeping in separate bedrooms. I hadn't lost interest in sex itself as I still watched some porn and masturbated almost daily, and she complained about my lack of interest in her but I just couldn't be bothered, it just seemed like a massive effort when all I wanted to do was go to sleep at night. On the rare occasions we did have sex, it was predictable and boring.At the time I wondered whether my lack of interest was down to ageing, as even though late 20s is hardly 'old', they say men peak sexually at 18 then it's all downhill from there... However, I can reassure you that this is not the case. My current partner of 2 years and I are soon to be married, have always had sex multiple times a week with no signs of slowing down! I don't mean to upset you but what I'm saying is you need to subtly find out whether your guy has any underlying doubts about the relationship. Men can feel very pressurised by the prospect of marriage, but even if he's holding something back he'll be in denial about it, and you may find he becomes angry and defensive if you question him about his feelings too directly. His behaviour when you're at home together may reveal a lot... Does he actively seek out your company, or prefer to spend his time alone doing his own thing? Do you find each others' conversation stimulating? Can you both be 'yourself' around each other? If he's truly in love with you he should want to be around you the majority of the time, including sexually, rather than taking care of business himself and being dishonest about it.It could be testosterone. One of my buddies is nearly 40 and still a virgin, and doesn't give a damn. He's been tested and has low testosterone, hence low desire.Good luck, hope you get what you deserve.
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