A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:how do i get closure without talking to him? i text him but he never texts back. i am still sad but not as bad as the day it happened. i was literally in so much physical pain i just couldn't do anything but sit there and cry. now i am doing better going to work putting on a smile, laughing again (a little). I just want closure because there was so much stuff left unsaid! so how do i get the closure i need?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 June 2011):
Hi. Sorry, I somehow put my last comment in twice by accident.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (29 June 2011):
Hello again. It does take some time to get over the initial intense grief, and one week isn't very long.
As each week goes by though, the pain will get a little less.
It's also a feeling of loneliness as well.
Don't coop yourself up in your room or isolate yourself from other people, because this only intensifies your grief, because it's just you and your thoughts.
When you do that, you just stew over and over all the awful things you feel. It only exacerbates things.
So get out and about as much as you can, visiting friends and talking to them. Then you are talking about other things apart from what's on your mind. They will let you talk if you need to talk about it, and then change the subject to something more cheerful so you don't feel quite so sad.
Quite often with grief and depression, the key is in distracting yourself from those agonizing thoughts as much as possible. It really does help.
Perhaps you could hire out a funny movie a couple of times a week. Having a really good belly laugh can do wonders for your mood. It really does help. Laughter is the best medicine. It's a great way to relax and to relieve any pent up stress, such as the feelings of grief and depression.
Try it anyway. It's also a good distraction.
In short, adding as many interesting things into your life as you can, so that at least you're not bored.
Another idea I just had, is perhaps you could take up some creative hobbies, because that takes your mind into another world completely.
A friend of my mother's many years ago lost her son in very tragic circumstances and at the time, he was only in his early 30's.
His mother was absolutely devastated and to help her cope with the intense grief, she went back to a hobby she loved doing earlier in her life, before she had children. It was painting (artistic). She really loved it, and she told my mum that it was the only thing that kept her going.
And she has continued to paint to this day and has also sold many of her pieces.
I just wanted to add that, as it's another idea that might be of help to you.
The main thing is, it will take a little time. So just get through one day at a time, and don't try to look too far into the future. The only time to live is NOW anyway.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (29 June 2011):
Hello again. It does take some time to get over the initial intense grief, and one week isn't very long.
As each week goes by though, the pain will get a little less.
It's also a feeling of loneliness as well.
Don't coop yourself up in your room or isolate yourself from other people, because this only intensifies your grief, because it's just you and your thoughts.
When you do that, you just stew over and over all the awful things you feel. It only exacerbates things.
So get out and about as much as you can, visiting friends and talking to them. Then you are talking about other things apart from what's on your mind. They will let you talk if you need to talk about it, and then change the subject to something more cheerful so you don't feel quite so sad.
Quite often with grief and depression, the key is in distracting yourself from those agonizing thoughts as much as possible. It really does help.
Perhaps you could hire out a funny movie a couple of times a week. Having a really good belly laugh can do wonders for your mood. It really does help. Laughter is the best medicine. It's a great way to relax and to relieve any pent up stress, such as the feelings of grief and depression.
Try it anyway. It's also a good distraction.
In short, adding as many interesting things into your life as you can, so that at least you're not bored.
Another idea I just had, is perhaps you could take up some creative hobbies, because that takes your mind into another world completely.
A friend of my mother's many years ago lost her son in very tragic circumstances and at the time, he was only in his early 30's.
His mother was absolutely devastated and to help her cope with the intense grief, she went back to a hobby she loved doing earlier in her life, before she had children. It was painting (artistic). She really loved it, and she told my mum that it was the only thing that kept her going.
And she has continued to paint to this day and has also sold many of her pieces.
I just wanted to add that, as it's another idea that might be of help to you.
The main thing is, it will take a little time. So just get through one day at a time, and don't try to look too far into the future. The only time to live is NOW anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, lilangel1985  +, writes (27 June 2011):
it is so difficult when this happens. it happen to me when i was about 20 and it took me a good few weeks to accept that he didnt want to talk to me. i text and called him but not answer. after a while i though actually this is for the best why am i putting so much energy into someone that doesnt want me? it takes time to get over the rejection but trust me as soon as you are ready to shift your energy over to the positive it will be brilliant again. dont waste your energy on this...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question(Dorothy Dix) I finally have gotten a little closure. He finally called and we talked for about 10 minutes. I still love him but I don't think we will ever get back together. I just feel it would never be the same. thank you for your positive answer. I have been doing all that, except I can't eat or sleep yet. I ate once yesterday finally in 4 days. I would try to eat on those days but I'd get a cracker in my mouth and start feeling sick to my stomach. It's just hard cause he was such a big part of my life. I have been hurt worse in the past, i guess just after so long of not being hurt I forgot how it feels. I really appreciate everyone who answers a question of mine. it really helps a lot more than you all know. I'm getting a little bit stronger...even on my weakest days.I mean it hasn't even been a week yet, but I know as time passes I will be fine,it's just getting back to that level of fine! Anyways you guys have helped me tremendously. I thank you all!
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A
female
reader, found89 +, writes (27 June 2011):
I totally agree with Dorothy Dix I've recently experienced the same thing an didn't realize why things happend like they did but as time passed I noticed things I would have never seen while he was still in my life so I cried my heart out cause it hurted oh how it hurted to the core but I beleave things happen for all types off reasons personally growth to become a better u so i hope that u continue to recover well in take this as not only a lesson bt for growth to become a better u stay strong hope the bes
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 June 2011):
Hi there. What you are talking about is closure over a breakup with your ex - is that right?
Unless you have intentions of getting back together again, you need to move on and accept that you broke up for a reason.
Everything in Life happens for a reason.
If you have a good think about it, you will probably realize what that reason was. Perhaps you had a fight and then it was over.
Then think about what the fight was about. Perhaps it was something that bothered you about him and had bothered you for some time. You'll think of the reason.
In any case, it didn't happen for no reason. You might not have seen it coming, so it was unexpected and it was a shock to you.
The healthiest thing you could now do is to grieve all that you need to, and to be kind to yourself. Because it will take a little time to feel your old self again.
(1) Cry when you need to.
(2) Exercise regularly.
(3) Get a good night's sleep every night.
(4) Eat a well balanced diet.
(5) Try to see the funny side of life.
(6) Keep in touch with your friends and family.
(7) Go out with your friends, enjoy life, laugh and be happy.
The worst thing you could possibly do now, would be to try to go straight into a new relationship. The timing would be all wrong. It would be a rebound relationship, and they rarely work out well.
For now, give yourself some time to get over it properly. Have a think about what you want in a future relationship and what you don't want. Just get to know yourself better.
Wait at least a couple of months, maybe even 6 months. You will know when you are ready to love again. You'll just know.
And remember, as one door closes, another door opens.
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