A
male
age
,
*ornNconflicted
writes:I have been married for 25 yrs. My wife is 57 and I am 45. Our marriage has gon stale in the last 5 yrs, which led to me seeking love elsewhere. I left my wife and the other woman to start a new life. My wife found out about the affair since then, but has forgiven me and wants me back. I think she is doing it out of insecurity and fear of being alone. I don't want to hurt her, but not sure if I still love her.How can I tell if she has really forgiven me for the affair and isn't just clinging to me as the easy option for love?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): you did not seek love elsewhere...you had an affair. tell it like it is. you betrayed your wife.well, in a few years time your affair(s) will be stale as well, then what? another affair to replace the spice?? after 25 years surely you owe your wife something more. how about compassion. you have destroyed her life for goodness sake. why are you so negative towards her. it is not like she strayed, you did. maybe you need to re look at your life and your own failings as a hb. it was so easy to fall into bed with another woman instead of working on your own marriage. now your wife has to do the begging and reconcilation. what are you going through- a mid life crises?? please, if you do not love this woman just leave her. do not look for excuses. she will survive this affair. millions have done as well. just don't go crawling back after your mid life crises is over and expect her to take you back. do yourself and your wife a favour and move on..........so that she can get on with her life. you have such distrust and such insecurities about her. she will continue with her life and a while from now she would ask herself why did i even bother for 25 years. sadly you will find yourself alone in your golden years. what choices we do make!
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 You've already made the move to start a new life, and if you left both of them that was a gutsy act. Why not just offer your wife friendship and wait until you are sure of how you feel before making any renewed commitment? If you were only going back because of a sense of obligation, you would probably be discontented and end up doing the affair thing again. No point going through all the pain of separation twice.
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (5 July 2009):
 You haven't said if you are still with the other women and not mentioned if you want to get back with your wife so its difficult to make a comment.
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