A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:??I’m pretty annoyed at something- which I honestly do not believe is my fault but I feel like I’ve lost a friend and my workplace has questioned my integrity in a job I’ve had for 12 years! I have a friend that I’ve known since we were in school together- we use to hang out regularly but then lost touch when we were 18. We then became friends on Facebook years later. We never hung out but would often message each other and rarely talk on the phone.Last year my friend messaged me to tell me that she had applied for a job in my workplace and that she had put on her form that she knew me and wanted to give me the heads up.A couple of days later my manager emailed me telling me about my friend’s application and wanted to know if she was a good worker and reliable etc…, I emailed back and explained to him that I hadn’t seen her in 20 years and never worked with her so I have no idea what she would be like work wise or her reliability. 2 days later whilst I was in the office my manager once again asked me face to face the same thing and I reiterated what I wrote. He mentioned he was impressed with her cv and was going to give her an interview.A couple of weeks later he told me he had offered her the job. This was all back in October. In the months she was there I never saw her as we were in the office, different days but I often messaged her to see how she getting on and she’d always say she was happy and it was going well. This week when I got back from holiday I saw a message from my manager letting the team know that my friend had left the business- I had no idea what was going on. I then a few minutes later came across an email that our MD (my bosses boss) had sent me asking me if I could call her.I called her and she told me that in future I shouldn’t recommended someone for a job if I don’t have much contact with them as they had to let my friend go due to poor performance and time keeping and this has been a waste of our resources training her. Obviously I was confused as I never recommended her, I explained this to the MD and I even forwarded her the email that I sent to my boss explaining things, from when he asked me. She made it sound as though it was my idea for my friend to apply - which it wasn’t - I had no clue until after she applied that she told me!The only thing I did say was that with me she had always been nice and friendly otherwise we wouldn’t be friends.When I then went to check on Facebook noticed my friend had removed me. So now I don’t know if I should message her to see if she is ok or leave it? Also I’m annoyed at my manager as I feel he threw me under the bus to avoid taking responsibility for hiring her! I’m all my 25 years being employed at various places this has never happened and it’s put me on edge!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2023): Your friend has somewhat used you.
Without really knowing you and asking you beforehand she had put on her application that she knew you. This is NOT something that well raised people do. It's manipulative.
Why haven't you forward to MD the email you sent to your boss saying that you didn't know her and couldn't recommand her?
The fact that this friend of yours has left without saying a word and unfriended you speaks for itself.
If I were you I'd write an demail to both of the bosses and forward the first email. You need to protect your reputation!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (4 June 2023):
 What a dreadful situation. I am really sorry you had to go through this. Just thank your lucky stars you didn't actually recommend her for the job, even though your manager might be making out you did. I'd keep an eye on him, if I were you. He's not to be trusted.
As it was your "friend" (I put that in inverted commas because she has landed you in this situation and then scarpered) who unfriended you, with no thought of how her lack of performance in the job might reflect on you, I would just let her go. If she was a real friend, she would check YOU are ok. The "poor performance" could be down to poor/lack of adequate training but the time-keeping was down to her. If she couldn't even make the effort at the beginning of the job, during the "honeymoon" period, to arrive on time, then this was just going to get worse as time went on.
Lesson learned. Next time if you are asked to vouch for someone, simply refuse point blank. Say you have had one bad experience and don't wish to get drawn into any others.
I hope things settle down for you at work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2023): Even if you did recommend her it is still your boss's fault if he chooses to hire someone who is unworthy. It is his job to work it if he should listen to recommendations and follow them or ignore them.
I suspect you fancied this woman and that is why you went along with some of this when it would have been wiser to stand back from the whole thing. As for regularly asking her how she is getting on, she could have texted you, so again you fancied her. She could not be bothered to let you know how she was getting on - what does that tell you? Nor did she suggest meeting up. When you had sort of done her a favour and she owed you. She acted as if this was nothing and took it all for granted.
The reason she told you that she had known you etc was to get your recommendation or thumbs up, no other reason. Not to see you or speak to you, but telling you this helped her get the job.
Never recommend anyone in any shape or form in the future. Whether by saying they are great or by not emphasising you do not know them properly or well enough. Plain common sense. Of course your firm is angry if they spent time and money on training her for nothing. Have you any idea how much hassle and expense is involved in that? I know because I owned and ran a business where I was often getting no hopers wanting free training, none of them would have amounted to anything but I would have had all of this expense for nothing. You need to be sharper.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2023): Yes I think you should message your friend and ask if she is OK and let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk about it. And you have done the right thing at work, reminding your boss that you never recommended her for the position or encouraged her to apply. None of this is your fault, so please don't blame yourself in any way. Time will probably heal this rift.
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