A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This question is regarding a friend not a lover. My friend moved around the corner from me and her car broke down. The bus station is too far to walk and she has no way to get around. She asked me to borrow my car, and I let her use it everyday for over a week. Then, she stopped working, but still wanted to use the car. Yesterday, she asked to use the car to take her children to get their shots at 3pm, which I had no problem with, but then, she didn't come back until 8pm that night. When I approached her about it, she said that she didn't think it was taking advantage because if the shoe were on the other foot, she would offer me the car because she knows that I don't have one. Thats what friends do. She also said that she does things for me; a while ago, she paid $250.00 to get my car fixed for nothing. She also gave me $50.00 to pay my phone bill last week for using the car. I feel that just because she did all that, it was out of the kindness of her heart. My car is all I have and its old. Am I wrong for feeling a type of way because she wants to use the car almost everyday, or should I have trusted her judgment and not have said anything. By the way, I called her this morning and she didn't pick up or call back! (I don't mind lending the car if its something important) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone this is all great advice. The update is is that I told her and she hasn't asked for it at all, which I didn't want her to do becuase I want to help. It just seems like now she is acting funny and not calling or seeming distant. Oh well! Nothing I can do about it!
A
female
reader, HeartASHXOXO +, writes (4 February 2009):
yeah its your car... at first i would just start telling her that you need it for something and let her use it for important things... then maybe start suggesting that she start to take measures to get a car of HER OWN.
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A
female
reader, lacexoxo22 +, writes (4 February 2009):
 That's true. Ultimately it's YOUR car. You have the upper hand in this and the "last word" in conversation cuz your the owner. Tell her just like you told us...that if she genuinely needs to use it, that's fine but she has to have it back by a certain hour. She can't use it to go see her mom, or to go to the movies, or just drive around and listen to her favorite songs....you only want her using YOUR car is she absolutely has too. If she starts to argue with you and talk crap to you about it, tell her, you know what it's my car, I paid for it and it's all I have so if I'm being a bitch about it, forgive me, but it's my car and it's all I have...and leave it at that and walk away. Let it sink in with her and she should understand where your coming from and not have a problem with it. If she does, then tell her she's not using it at all.
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A
female
reader, lacexoxo22 +, writes (4 February 2009):
I agree with kellyxxx. I have actually been in the same situation. My best friend and I are both single mom's and when I didn't have a car, she let me use hers and vice versa. But you do need to establish ground rules like kelly said. Being that your car is the only source of transportation you have, it's best that you do that. I don't think she's taking advantage of you, cause she did pay your phone bill and give you that $250.00 so in a sense, she's paying to use it. But like kelly said, as nice as you can, explain that..that's all you have and if something were to happen to your car, whether it was your friends fault or not, your both screwed. Set up a schedule and tell her that she has to abide by it or your going to have to drive her where she wants to go, your not going to 100% trust her with your car. Good luck, hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spoke to her. The situation is that she feels that I shouldn't have a problem with her just using it if I am not. I look at it like this: I wouldn't ever ask someone to borrow their car as frequenly as she does, or bring it back as late as she did.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 well you need to establish ground rules, tell her (in the friendliest way possible) that you dont mind her using your car if it is essential however you need to sort out times and dates if she needs it any other time. if she uses the car tell her you need it back for a certain time. tell her how you feel, if she is a good friend then she will understand. keep me updated, hope that i've been helpful.x
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