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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi there. Here is my problem. Me and my bf of 18 months have been trying for a baby, we are also buying a house together. We both work full time and this would be our first house, our first child. It’s an exciting but stressful time. Here is the thing, my bf is a psychiatric nurse and he is going for a promotion which would give him a lot more responsibility. He has just rung me sounding very upset and expressing how he has doubts that he is going to be able to cope with his job and the extra work it will involve and having a child. This has come about as he has just done a Safeguarding Children course. He sounded almost in tears.I don’t know quite how to reassure him as now I am wondering if we will cope?! I think we will but it is a fact that both our families are not fantastically supportive so we will in a sense be on our own. I have not really worried about things too much; we are both in our late 30s and we love each other, we have enough money and the time seems right. My poor bf, I hate it that he feels this way. He is an emotional guy and he has a stressy personality type. How can I reassure him that we will be okay and should I be worried about this? I don’t feel too worried; I think he is just expressing himself and these fears are normal.Thanks for reading. Any experience of parenthood when you are our age and the Dad has a very stressful job would be greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi,thanks for your reply. We dont need to have counselling as we talk openly about most things. Also,he would like to retrain but at the moment there are so few jobs around that we're both holding on like hell to both of ours at the moment. I forgot to mention,he broke his leg 4 wks ago and he is still in loads of pain. And his live in landlord kept him awake last wk til 4am one night partying. He is stressed!
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 Step back and take a look at the big picture.A new-ish relationship, huge commitment.A new house, huge commitment.Talking about baby...HUGE commitment.New job demands....straw that broke the camels back.However, YOU are both in late 30's. If you are trying to conceive without medical intervention, your fertility wanes as you are approaching your 40's. Parenthood has been my proudest achievement. It is by far the most rewarding and most challenging part of my life.If the both of you can financially manage it, I would suggest couples counseling to talk out your issues regarding why you want a child (your feelings are valid and should be heard too!) and what the expectations are in raising him/her. Do not rule out parenthood yet, if both of you WANT it, you can find a way to make it happen.I have a feeling that his anxiety and the pressure of all these new expectations are overwhelming him. If your bf is really sensitive and "stressy" he is in the wrong career field! Psychiatric Nursing has to be one of the most stressful fields. Since he is a nurse, has he ever thought of a field change that may lower his stress levels and improove his quality of life...and yours together in the long run?
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