A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey all im really confused,Me and my ex have been broke up for just over 3 months. It was a bad break up, but yet we have still continued to sleep together.Whenever i ask if he wants to work stuff out he says i dont know, or 'i'm never gunna get back with you'.Because of this i stopped sleeping with him as i realised i was just hurting myself more.He calls me every weekend saying 'we need to talk etc'but i usually ignore it.This weekend he called and i had just got out of hospital for a collapsed lung and he was all like 'i still really love you, but you broke my heart' and 'i wanna see how things go'I went though and we ended up in bed and afterwards i spotted a love bite on his neck 'not from me' and he gave me a pathetic excuse (a girl jumped on him)!!!I got really mad and left and since then he has ignored me, i rang to see f he meant it and he just said 'i cant even remember you coming through'that really hurt me.Then he asked me to go over this week and said we will have a proper talk, but i suspect he just wants to have sex!I dont wanna lose contact with him as we were together for a long time and he has only acted like this for the last 3 months, what should i do and do you think theres ever a chance we will work stuff out...help please xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): You need to be in control of your own life, this guys seem to be controlling you at the moment, you are weak from your operation and you need to focus on getting better. If this guy really really had any respect (which I feel he has non at all, sorry) for you he would not be treating you in this way. You seem to be a beautiful person and far to good for the likes of him. Unless you cut all ties with this guy you will not be able to move on. There is much more to life than being with someone like that. You need to find who you are. I was single for three years, my choice after being treated not that much differently to what you currently are and it was the best thing I ever done. I focused on my career, went travelling and found out that I was a pretty cool person. Then out of the blue I meet the man of my dreams, we are now married and having our first baby in December. Please be strong, I was and I know you will be just fine, be positive and you wont go far wrong in life. Good luck sweetie x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI saw my ex yesterday and again he was a little cruel, made me cry etc' but i sorta realised that if stuffs gunna work out it'll happen and i nedd to stop waiting around, so no more calling him!!!
Thanks everyone for your advice,you really brought light on my situation xx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 It sounds like a case of 'commitmentphobia' to me.While you're recovering from your operation I recommend reading this really good book on the subject:"He's scared, She's scared: Understanding the hidden fears that sabotage your relationships", by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol.Your story literally sounds like an extract from that book.Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, BeckyBadger +, writes (3 September 2007):
 Hi there, I just read your letter and I really think that you just need to take control, you dont have to stop being in contact with your ex, if he wants to talk then fine, meet up in a public place, then the sex can be avoided and he will have to talk with his head not his dick.This means that you can ask him questions easier, and make a point of telling him to forget it, and that he is a waste of your time if he cannot give you an answer and tried to move on to a different subject. Try hanging out with your friends as much as you can to and keep your self busy! This means that you wont be thinking that much about him, break ups do hurt, and he is just trying to use you for sex, sorry to put it so sharply. It may hurt but I can promise you now! It will stop as soon as you cut your emotional ties with him, painful or not.Give it a go! Playing mind games is a waste of your time and energy, life is to short for that and you will always find someone new when the time comes.hope I helpedBeckyBadger xSorry for the re-post!
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A
male
reader, AndreC.  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 plain simple no he just wants you for sex when hes not getting any hes using you what u need to do for urself is respect yourself and move on becuase he will never stop if he loved you he wouldnt be playing mind games!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Hi there, I just read your letter and I really think that you just need to take control, you dont have to stop being in contact with your ex, if he wants to talk then fine, meet up in a public place, then the sex can be avoided and he will have to talk with his head not his dick.
This means that you can ask him questions easier, and make a point of telling him to forget it, and that he is a waste of your time if he cannot give you an answer and tried to move on to a different subject.
Try hanging out with your friends as much as you can to and keep your self busy! This means that you wont be thinking that much about him, break ups do hurt, and he is just trying to use you for sex, sorry to put it so sharply. It may hurt but I can promise you now! It will stop as soon as you cut your emotional ties with him, painful or not.
Give it a go! Playing mind games is a waste of your time and energy, life is to short for that and you will always find someone new when the time comes.
hope I helped
BeckyBadger x
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