A
female
age
36-40,
*weet-Heart
writes:i've been seeing this guy for a while (at least 6 months) and we were un-officially a couple according to our close friends. we only had eyes for each other and he told a close friend of mine that he was crazy about me that i was the most caring person he knew etc..then he got a new job and -since were both in college it was hard for us to see each other as we both had exams and stuff.Because of that i took no real notice of the distance coming between us, i thought genuinley it was because of our other commitments.After 3 weeks of little or no contact i texted him asking what was up and got a reply back saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and he was sorry for messing me around.When i saw that i told him that i hadnt expected a real relationship from him for a good while yet, he replied that he wasnt sure what he wanted. I asked him if he wants to see other people and he replied he wasnt sure and he needs time to think......it's tearing me up...i feel so much for him, a way that i haven't felt in a while and i have no way of knowing if he wants me..im giving him the time he needs to think about things but i still am soo hurt and confused and wonder if i did something wrong??? help please???
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female
reader, Sweet-Heart +, writes (29 June 2007):
Sweet-Heart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for ur advice...ill give u the update
he asked me back but was incredibly uncertain about it...so i said that he really needed to think....(thought i was doin him a favour)
anyway two weeks later i found out he had started seein someone else..
he told me in front of friends that e still cared about me and that he and his new girl have no future...
he told me he really cares for me and wants to b friends..
confusing i KNOW!!lol we friends now but he still sendin his friend to check up on my dating life even tho he with his girl...XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX thanks soo much guys ..peace
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): It sounds to me like he does indeed need some time to himself.
His apology for "messing you around" and uncertainty as to whether he wants you to meet other people leads me to believe that maybe he's gotten a little scared.
That possibly he found himself investing more emotional stake in this than he expected to or thinks himself ready for.
I don't think you did anything wrong. I think all you need to do is to give him his time meanwhile getting on with your life. When he is ready to talk you might want to explain to him just how you feel and see if he feels the same. It might be wise to go slowly into any such declarations as otherwise he might get overwhelmed and run off again. But simply being honest and sharing your feelings in a factual, rational manner would probably help and maybe be beneficial in getting answers from him. Right now however it's probably best to give him time and take it up once he feels ready to talk.
Believe me when I tell you that I know what you are going through. I am going through almost exactly the same thing right now. The length of the relationship is different, the amount of declared love is different and so is the situation in many ways but when it comes down to it they are very similar. So I do know how you feel and I do know how hard it is to get on with business when you're left in the dark waiting on someone to figure things out but it really is the best thing you can do for yourself and eventually, if it is meant to be, the relationship.
I just heard from my girl this morning after a week of silence and it was very good. I had the opportunity to explain some things that I had time to think about during the separation too. We're not out of the woods and it's something that needs to be worked on with time but sometimes a little time apart is what's needed to get back on track. When someone gets scared it can take time for them to renew faith or muster up courage again or simply figure out what it is that they really want. Once they have that, once they know themselves what their feelings are, they'll be prepared to tell you more honestly what's one their mind. And, unfortunately, moods and external factors that influence moods also come into play so sometimes it's just a matter of the person being in particular slump that will then pass by.
I hope this helped but just remember, first and foremost take care of yourself, go on with your business and try to get your mind of it. I know it can be hard and in dealing with it right now myself I rarely ever getting the subject fully of my mind in honesty. But I also know it can only help in more ways than you can imagine to be strong and be there for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): it does not sound like you did anything wrong hunni, maybe he just does need time! i hope u work things out.
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