A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello to all. I have a situation and I am looking for some advice. I hope someone can help me out here. My boyfriend and I went out for dinner last night. We hadnt gone out in awhile so I agreed to go even though I had just gotten off a 8 hour shift at the hospital. So I went home to freshen up and change clothes and off we went. The night was going very nice and all was well until we got the check. My boyfriend proceeded to pay for the meal and then he wanted to leave a 20.00 tip. Now I had asked him for some financial assistance earlier in the week and he said that because of his bills he couldnt help me out. So I said I understood. So now when he wants to tip 20.00 I told him that I could use the cash instead. He hits the roof and says that I am selfish and I am trying to dress him down. We are already on the verge of breaking up already and I thought he wanted to make it work. So this morning he called me and said that he is upset with me and doesnt want to talk to me. I asked him why and he said he didnt want to talk about it but it had something to do with the 20.00 last night. He feels that its his money and he can spend it however he wants too. This is true but where do I fit in? Why would you leave a 20.00 tip and not be able to help me out financially? I couldnt believe that he would make a big deal about something so small. As I have said before, our relationship is already on the rocks, because of other issues we have. I have given him so many chances to change and he is always the same.I wish that I would have never given him chance after chance. I am ready to call it quits. What would you do?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Depends on how much the check was..I always tip generously for waiters and waitresses because my brother-in-law does it in order to support his 10 month old twins.
I can see where you're mad, this is just something else to add to the list of issues you guys are having. Like he says, it's his money he can do with it whatever he wants. Instead of making up an excuse about bills, he could have told you his real reasoning. I will point out some men are tightwads with their money and don't like to lend it out..Can't explain the $20 tip, unless he was once a waiter and knows how difficult it is. Personally, I wouldn't break up over this. But you guys are on the rocks anyway, so his time with you seems to be up. You're to the point where everything is starting to annoy or piss you off.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 This will be rough on you, but your boyfriend is in the rights. It is his money. He spends it as he please. And believe me, leaving a huge tip is wastly different from "helping" your girlfriend out financially. How do you mean help? And how much did you ask him for? Did you only wish to borrow 20 bucks I am sure he would have given you that? And what do you need the money for? Perhaps he thinks you should stop depending on him and manage on your own?
There are so many factors in this, but the bottom line is that it is HIS money, and you are not married, and you have zero right to be upset about what he spends his money on.
Instead of arguing over how big of a tip he leaves, maybe you should talk to him about what really bothers you: that you are scared he just doesn't want to help you out because he doesn't care, doesn't trust you, and is afraid of complicating the relationship by bringing money into it. A financial problem is very often the cause of a fight or break-up, and I do not adice it to anyone to lend out their money to anyone unless you have a contract and a plan for how to pay back. You should hear your man out on why he won't lend you/give you money, and well as actually believing him if he says he can't afford it.
Like I said, if you had asked to borrow 20 dollar I don't believe it would have been a big deal. Im suspecting you asked for much more money from him. And paying 20 bucks one time in tips does not mean he gives out huge tippings like that all the time. And EVEN IF he does, it is still none of your business how he handles his money. He gets to spend it the way he pleases, and not spend it only if YOU don't need his money.
He is not responsible for your financial problems. No one is but you. If you want to save this relationship you need to suck it up and appologize as well as start to fix your own problems without relying on him.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 I think that neither the tip nor the amount of it are relevant here. It is clear (in my humble opinion) that you had an argument over things way more important than twenty dollars.
At first sight, the amount he gave as a tip wouldn't help you much. So, when you ask for financial assistance, I suppose you mean much more than those twenty dollars.
I can't speculate as to why you and him are ready to break up, but, apparently the only reason why this tip became a problem was that the glass was already full, and this was the little drop it needed to overflow. It's not significant in itself; it's just an irritating little thing that moved him in that direction, as any other would have.
Seems like a good moment to leave.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (18 October 2010):
 If your ready to call it quits than do just that call it quits and move on.
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