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anonymous
writes: I'm in a long distance relationship (for 4 years now) and my boyfriend will be moving out here to go to school in the city I live in in the fall. My problem is that lately I have become very attracted to someone else I know. On the one hand, I feel that it must be somewhat normal to find other people attractive when the person you're dating isn't actually around on a regular basis, but on the other hand, I'm finding this a little unsettling. any thoughts/advice??
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reader, becky05 +, writes (2 July 2005):
4 years is a long time to be in a long distance relationship, why not wait and see how you feel when your 'boyfriend' comes to stay with you and see how you feel about him then.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 June 2005):
 Keeping the spark alive when it's long-distance is, as you know, terribly hard. I think it's wonderful that you and your bf have managed to stay together as long as you have.
It's pretty natural though, that after a while you'd be attracted to someone else, simply because it's so hard to stay in love with someone you barely see.
Considering that you've kept it going this long, could you put aside your feelings for the new guy for a few more months? I think you should give your boyfriend a chance to "compete on a level playing field", as it were. When both of these men are in the same place at the same time, you can make a better judgement about which (if either) you'd rather be with.
I don't know if you and your bf have any agreements or arrangements about dating other people, but I'd be inclined to suggest you not, at least until the autumn quarter, and your current boyfriend is closer and you can see if your old feelings re-surface.
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