A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my fiance has decided I'm no longer attractive, not just to him, but to amy other man. We have 2 children together so its not like I can just split up with him. I don't wear make up very often, maybe once a week. He's not normally like this, the only thing I can think of that's changed are 2 male work colleagues left his work and have been replaced by young, single female ones. From what I can gsther from social media they go out and enjoy drinking and having fun. I can't do that, I stay at home and look after the children while he works nights and sleeps in the day. I dont know how to win him back or wjat to do. We have a very limited sex life since the new girls started too :(
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co-worker, fiance, sex life, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): Honeypie has it spot on. He is making you weak with his put-downs. How dare he speak to the mother of his children in that derogatory way. If all it takes to 'change' him is a couple of female co-workers then it doesn't say much about him. This isn't about you and how you look. It is time to get your strength back lady and get your independence - emotionally and physically. I am sure if you start doing this you will 'see' the situation very clearly and be confident in taking the right approach.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): "We have 2 children together so its not like I can just split up with him."You're not married so it IS like you can just split up with him; more importantly, he can just split up with you."I dont know how to win him back or [what] to do." Nothing you can do to win him back. Unfortunately it's very likely his young co-workers are serving as a reminder of the kind of life he could be living if he hadn't shacked up and had children so young, and so he may be looking to relive his lost youth; he's fallen into a premature middle-age lifestyle so he's having a premature middle-age crisis.What you need to do is accept the reality that your "fiance" will likely never marry you as he stands nothing to gain and his freedom to lose, and start preparing for the possibility that you could become a single mother at any moment without warning.I know I'm old-fashioned, but I simply don't understand why any woman would allow herself and her children to become financially dependent on a guy to whom she is not legally related without any legal protections in place should he suddenly walk out, become incapacitated, or even die.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): This is my question. Thanks for your reresponses. I forgot to mention I go to the gym 3 times a week and I've lost 2 stone so I don't think its my weight everybody says how good I look. my eldest child is 3 so the children aren't a new thing
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): Get rid of him.
I know, I know, it's very hard, you want the best for the kids.
But you know what? One of my best friends ( a beautiful girl, as in supermodel beautiful) grew up in a household like that.
She knew her mum was unhappy in her marriage (and even though her mother is absolutely freakin' gorgegous- like mother, like daughter), she was put down constantly by her husband (as in, little snindey remarks such as "Oh, something's wrong with your skin. Is not as soft as it used to be." Stupid shit like that. Nothing outright offensive, just slow erosion).
My friend lived through this, witnessed it and now SHE can NOT believe it when people tell her she is pretty, when men approach her she always thinks they are approaching me (as if! I wish I was that pretty).
What I'm saying is-if you are staying "coz of the kids" PLEASE DON'T!
The kids will be better off in a loved, secure environment,not somewhere where they will daily witness their mother being demeaned and taken for granted.
Would YOU want your daughters to be treated as HE is treating YOU? Because if you stay you are showing THEM that is ok. That it's ok for daddy to treat mummy like this.
Also your fiancee can NOT "decide" that "you're no longer attractive to ANY other man"!!! What a manipulative piece of s^&*!
Well, you can go out there and prove him wrong ;)
But the things he is saying to you, an ex of mine was saying to me (so convincingly I believed them myself at one point)- it corrodes your confidence and makes you think : "Oh, I MUST stay with him because NO ONE ELSE will like me"
That is simply not true. EVEN IF you don't find someone else later/immediately, it might be better for you to be on your own rather than with someone who makes you feel worthless.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 I don't think a woman loses attractiveness just because she gained 30 pounds and became a mother. What he's really saying is, he's not attracted to the change in his lifestyle. Less laughter, less going out, hearing the baby cry and feelings less important. It's the humdrum of home life that he's not missing at all.
He is very cruel to say that you are not attractive to any other men too. Who is he to decide that? I think he is saying this in case you want to leave him, your confidence would be so low that you would be better off staying in the marriage. If he loses you other men can't have you either, that kind of mentality.
New coworkers would not be a threat if he is committed to you. If it weren't for female coworkers it could be people online. He is indeed unreliable.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 June 2015):
 Time to get your ducks in a row. That means FIND yourself a job, because he is not going to be reliable in your life if a new co-worker turns his head that easily.
YOU need to be able to take care of two kinds on your own. To get yourself BACK. Look for daycare you can afford, and a job.
This isn't about "getting" him back, it's about YOU getting yourself back.
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