A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:p />I'm having some problems with my girlfriend. We've recently started having sex... or atleast trying to. We aren't virgins, but we are having some problems.We've tried having sex twice now. On both occasions there have been distractions/interruptions. She insists on only sleeping at her house as she's uncomfortable sleeping elsewhere. But her house is a little crowded due to her family, so it's critical that we don't make any noise, so that rules out her own bed because it squeaks A LOT. Also, she insists on doing it with the light off, which is a bit of a turn off for me, so to speak. On top of all that, by the time sex has been indicated it's very late at night. I work through the day and I'm pretty tired in the evenings. I'm sure I'd have more energy for sex if we tried earlier in the evening (as opposed to about 1:30am), but we have to work around her family going to bed. By that time I'm so tired I can barely maintain an erection, and this frustrates her, which frustrates me and makes me very angry!Our relationship has become sexual and is causing us to argue. How can we fix this?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (16 August 2009):
 I think it's still the "enviornment" you are trying to have sex in -- her parents house, with them and her siblings nearby. That's alot of stress; performance plus being super quiet. I'm sure you if you two can be alone and let things happen naturally without fear of being heard, or found out, things will go much better. Next time try your place if you have your own place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince this post, we've had sex together. However, there's still a problem. I can't seem to keep my erection going.
We were all over eachother last night and it was great, but then the time came to put the condom on and awkwardly get off of her bed and on to the floor where we will make less noise. By the time we've done that, for some reason my penis isn't hard enough to insert it and I can't get it back.
I don't understand it! I want it, so does she, and yet something is stopping me from going through with it. What could it be?
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (8 August 2009):
If you are trying to have sex at her parents house, while her siblings are just down the hall, at 1:30 AM with the lights out, being so quiet you can't even enjoy a good loud orgasm, that tells me you're both too young to engage in sex. Sex should be fun and spontaneous, not scheduled. It should be done somewhere that is safe and comfortable and then both of you can relax and enjoy what you're doing. This is all wrong. You're girlfriend is probably giving in because she feels pressured by you; though clearly she's not ready or she wouldn't have so many rules. You should back off the sex entirely. This will take the pressure and arguments out of the equation. When you're both old enough to live on your own, then you can try it again. Otherwise it's just going to be too much stress.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): It's unhealthy for either of you to engage in sexual activities in such stressful context, fearing anyone could enter the room in any moment. If she is that worried that you have to get her undressed three times as I read in your other post, I imagine she may not be properly aroused and in the mood for sex, which can lead to lubrication problems, painful sex, difficulty in being aroused even in normal conditions after some time passes if you continue in this fashion... should I go on? I don't want to think of the performance anxiety that can derive from here for you. Sex should be spontaneous, unplanned, passionate, not a scheduled act, filled with pressure and frustration. Just don't have sex under such stress!... I have a friend who can only have enjoyable sex if there is the risk of getting caught in the act, but that is a rather bizzare medical condition. Don't think you can handle the situation as it is. Avoid stressful, inhibiting factors as they can be damaging for your sex life in general in the long run, not right now, but in the future... there might just be some remnants.
As you were asked before, does she have a phobia of spending time outside her home? She doesn't have to sleep at yours, but at least see if you can spend a few hours in a calm place, where you don't have to be marathon runners. Try bringing her to your own place several times before you attempt anything sexual, so she can become more used to the place and atmosphere, watch a film for example. You can drive her home afterwards if she doesn't like sleeping anywhere else than her own home. Find other solutions like this. Maybe staying at her place only when parents are spending the evening out, etc.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (8 August 2009):
 ok so you want more answers well the answer is your going to have to talk with her that is the only way to sort this out. second of all if you cannot do it happily then of course this is going to put preassure on and make it harder to complete your task. note if she doesnt like going else were and the current situation is making things worse then dont have sex if she wants it she is going to have to make some cooperation on making sex fun and enjoyable and not angry and miserable if she does not help on the situation then she cannot want it enough not to mention its to make you both happy and not her sex is something you do when you love someone so it shouldnt be one sided. so sit her down and talk tell her how you feel and that things have to change because it doesnt work as it is and that you want it to be special and you want to be with her but it is making you both unhappy and making the walls of the relationship break down!! good luck hope this has helped better aphex xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): you should talk to her and explain how you feel, otherwise she'll have no idea!
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