A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Split up with my long term girlfriend last year and she's been trying to make life difficult for me since. Our kids live with me and that's where they want to be. Now she wants a DNA test to prove they're not all mine. I'm not going to willingly do a DNA test but I was wondering is there any way she could get some sort of court order to force me to do a DNA test? What're the chances of her being able to force me into it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 If she goes to the courts and the court mandates a DNA ,
there is no way you can avoid it.
As to who will have custody will depend on that judge,
it is entirely a different matter .
The court will decide who to grant the custody to after analyzing all the facts.
If the child is above 12, the court may ask for their opinions .
When the children reaches 18 , they can decide whom to stay.
You cannot control them anymore.
You need to have the DNA to prove once and all who is their biological father.
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Is she wanting the kids to come live with her?
Is there a chance of talking things over with her in a reasonable manner for the kid's sake?
It would probably be best to get legal advice and let the courts handle it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): The fact that they're living with you and at 13 and 15 can say how they feel will be a big bonus in your favour, the name on the birth certificate is also very relevant. But I'm not a lawyer, so as everyone's said, you need some legal advice. Take care of you. I wishing you and the kids the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Thanks for the replies. I'll get in touch with the CAB. She didn't abandon the kids but she as good as threw us out of her house and a few months back she didn't want anything to do with them. It's my name on their birth certificates but I was never married to my ex. I know they're best off with me but I'm not sure if I'd be able to convince anybody else of that. She's good at manipulating people so they believe whatever she's saying.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): I completely agree with lazyguy about hiring a lawyer. Here in the United States, it's nearly unheard of for the male to attain custody of his children, but with a good lawyer it is possible. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 First of, may I salute you for wanting to raise your kids even with her claims you are not the biological parent?
Good for you.
Now, as for the legal advice, that is really for a lawyer to answer BUT what does the birth certificate say? This was for a longtime the document that mattered the most. Whoever name is there is the father.
Now in some countries the child support laws allow the paying party to demand a DNA test to see if the kids are really theirs altough often only if there is reason for doubt. Usually the genders are reversed and of course a woman is more likely to know who the real father is then a male.
Basically, get a lawyer. Things are about to get nasty and you need real advice.
These cases are often very complex and for a long time courts tended to just asume the mother was the best parent. But why are the kids with you, has a court already ruled they were better of with you? Has she abandoned them?
I think if this comes to a courtcase and you are NOT the biological father then you might have to convince the courts that you are still the best caretaker for these kids. After all, if the go with the mother, the biological father still won't be theirs.
Get a lawyer, a good one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Sorry, I always have problem with links. Here is the correct link for the CAB. http://www.citizensadvice.co.uk
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): I see you are currently living in the UK. Contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau (http://www.citizensadvice.co.uk/)and ask if you can be refered to your local law centre for further advice.
Unless you are married to this woman, if she is right about the paternity of the children, it will be difficult for them to continue to live with you, unless you can prove that she is an unfit mother and they are better off living with you. Contact the CAB and get better legal advice for you and the kids. You could also try "Fathers for justice", I am sure that there other men in your situation and they might just know what to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): What are you so afraid of?
If you love them as you say, get the DNA test and let their real fathers know that love.
You will always be a father figure to them, just not THE father.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, accused  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Thanks for the fast response. I totally respect you for loving those children, weather or not their blood has no bare on your heart. It sounds to me that this woman is trouble with a capital "T". I don't understand why she is wanting to do DNA test if she is not paying you child support to begin with, and you take care of them. Is she wanting to get a Dna test so that she can get custody of them, considering she is trying so hard to prove their not yours? Speaking of which do you have legal custody? or was it just a verbal agreement. She can get a DNA test if she goes thru the courts and of course if their not yours, then you all ready know what lies ahead for that road. If you will please send me a private email and I will send you some resources that maybe of some help to you. Tell me in the email your state so I can make sure and send you the correct information. Waiting to hear from you..
Accused
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): She doesn't pay anything to me but she gives the kids money every so often. She says she's positive two of our kids definitely aren't mine and I know she saw other men while we were together. That's why I don't want a DNA test done. The two she's talking about are 15 and 13 (We've also got a 6-year-old and two toddlers) I've been their Dad for all those years; it's irrelevent to me whether they're biologically mine or not.
And we split up because she had another guy who she set up home with.
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A
female
reader, accused +, writes (22 June 2008):
If she is paying you child support of any kind, she can go thru the courts and establish paternity. Do you have any doubts about the children? You can beat her to the punch and go thru the courts yourself, how old are your children? What was the reasons that you two split? I mean was it a mutal thing... Waiting to hear from you..
Accused
ALso what state are in?
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